In The Category Of...A Perfect Christmas

I found a way to get more picturing, or pictured. I’ll post a weekly blog called ‘In the Category Of…’ in which I’ll post pictures stating how I feel about something in a certain category. Just as an example, let’s take Christmas.

A white Christmas is what a lot of people would qualify as a perfect Christmas. I however rather chose this:

Lazily on couch with…

A drink watching…

The Sound of Music or other romantic crap so I can see my boyfriend…

Gag. Instead of pretending to family and so-called-family that I’m not…
Scrooged, cause I don’t like Christmas.

So, there ya go! Godthnk it’s over already for this year!

No Wonder I Thought It Was Wednesday

I like dashboards, they're lined out nicely and show things clearly. I like clearliness like clear skies, clear functional designs, clear wishes and demands. I like clarity.

So a word did exsist for nouning the word clear.

I stil don't have pictures to go with my blog, like my photo albums remain frightingly empty. We do have a camera, but not the guts to show our faces or our daily holiday activities.

I feel empty, shallow, and discouraged. I am out of writing ideas.

My Personal Christmas Story

My mom comes to us this Christmas instead of us going to her. It's a new development, which is good.

Christmas has been a bit shaky at our place the passed 7 years. It started being shaky in the year my father died.

My father had MS and his condition went bad real quick in 2000. He never made it to Christmas.

All the years before 2000 it was tradition that my grandparents came on Christmas day. My mom would cook way too much. My grandpa told us to pray with our hands lowered to chest height. Funny memories. After dinner, which lasted from 12.00pm to 2.00pm, we would go outside to see some Christmas markets and such. It was as simple as that.

First my grandpa died, I belief in 1995, but that was no show stopper concerning Christmas. Then in 2000 my dad died and my grandma was suffering from Alzheimer. The first Christmas without dad, we spent in a holiday chalet far away from home. My mother hadn't been away from home with Christmas for as long as I remember. It was a lot of fun, and it took some pressure from the missing of my dad. Still, my mum told us she didn't like being away from home with Christmas.

The following years were distressful. My mum wanted to cook way too much. My brother wanted to go to the Christmas session in the village and I wanted to watch Christmas films while my mum wanted to spend a quiet Christmas day with us. It was just the three of us, and after 2.00pm, the two of us. I could feel the tension hanging in the air, and it caused a Christmas defect in my Christmas feeling. That was when I started to dread Christmas; the obligations I couldn't really live up to.

Previous year it started to change. I moved out of the house (kinda) and had a boyfriend. My brother, who had a girlfriend, wouldn't be there with Christmas. Me and my boyfriend decided to spend the Christmas with my ma, since she would be alone and my bf's boyfriend didn't really care. We tried to drag her along to Maastricht for some Christmas sight-seeing, but she didn't want to. Bullocks!

This year my mum has a manfriend (ah, c'mon, you can't call it a boyfriend!!!) and my brother won't be inlands this year again. We had to change something, battle the Christmas demons, so I decided to invite her and her manfriend to our house. We just have to figure out what we will do. We didn't quite plan anything yet, but I've got good hopes things will start to look better from now on. No more Novembers filled with dreading Decembers.

C'est Une Belle Journée - Part II

I don't really have that much to say. I must say tho, that my heart sings, since the sentence is firmly stampeded into my head. Yes, I'm still in the Lovely Day status. It's just, it sounds so loverly from his mouth. Makes me wanna swallow; I can feel his voice inside my throat singing away: C'est Une Belle Journée. While he's long done singing it, I am still in that mode. Not that I really mean it, it's just, it sounds so sweet.

Times before Christmas are always kind of frantic. A lot has to be done before the year closes and the books will follow shortly. It's always dark and cold and tiresome. Don't spend your days in office, or do, if you can't handle the same amount of sun inside and outside the office. I am awaiting after Christmas, when the new year has begun. Simply cause we can start anew and take on new adventures. I don't want to think about how I screwed up in the same way as the year before. For that the year's too new and too filled with hope. It's just so sweet.

I always feel it's much lighter after Christmas. Fact is, it's just as dark, tho the shortest day has passed already by then. That's a good feeling. It's also the path to spring. I still prefer spring over fall. I don't like falling. Funnily, fall always makes me aware of the seasons, and I really like the fact that seasons exist. I like the changing, not the season itself persé. It divides the year, and that's how I live and work. Always longing to something new.

The seasons may come and go and will be back again each year. Years, however, disappear forever.

Nice!

C'est Une Belle Journée

I hear it ringing in my head over and over again. I hear clear tones against foul words. The contradiction makes me laugh. C'est Une Belle Journée. The words ring so clear, they make the foul words not so bad. And if you keep hearing it over and over again (preferably in the sweet voice I'm hearing it in) you start to belief in it. C'est Une Belle Journée.

[url=http://www.blogotheque.net/article.php3?id_article=3664]C'est Une Belle Journée[/url]

When I watch that video, I only half belief it; c'est une belle journée. It's something about his being; the way he acts and the way he doesn't seem to be completely there. I've got the feeling that he really is a far away, somewhere we can't reach him. It makes him mysterious, and that makes me even more curios and it draws me even closer to him. It's fascinating. Especially since he stirs something in me, or the songs he recently wrote. I don't think I've been ever so eager to hear a new album. It's in the making.

C'est une belle journée.

There's good weather on the horizon. I can see him perking up as the promo starts again. He knows it'll leave him exhausted, but at least he will be out again. That's when the words starting ringing true. For it might stir something in my soul, I'm quite sure it stirs more than one heart, and maybe even his own. That would be nice. It might take a few years before he can really appreciate the meanings of the words or the notes set to them. I don't know. I'm just guessing. I just hope he will be free some day.

It's a Fruit!

I am still amazed about how we still judge others on the differences between each other while no one is the same to any other person on this planet. Almost no one has the right face and what is 'right' anyway? Just think! All the minorities together make the majority in this world which makes the majority (the 'normal' people) the minority. We compare black to white (and scale all that's not white enough to black). We compare male to female (and forget about the people who happen to fall inbetween). We compare poor to rich (while most people fall right inbetween). We compare abled to disabled (and scale, once again, all that's not abled enough to disabled). We compare ordered to disordered (while a lot of the so-called disordered happen to be not that disordered). We compare smart to dumb (while the smart people are often not always that smart). And so on...

And still we tell each other not to compare apples to peers. Yeah, you know what, it's all fruit! It doesn't make the apple better than the peer or the other way around. It just makes another kind of fruit with their own taste, feel and look to it.

I just don't understand.

the 15th

I don't write this because it's the 15th tho I tried to write something on the 15th, but I decided I wasn't inspired at all....No, that's a lie. I tried today and decided I wasn't inspired at all, but I wanted the title 'the 15th' match the numbers of days we ventured into November, only in reality we already reached the 16th day. Bugger, or should I say blogger. Beside that, I finally admitted to the RKOP folks that I blog. So lo-'n-b'hold, here's my 15th blog.

Actually, it's not even my 15th blog. I blogged way more, just in other places. I switch places so many times that I usually never get my blog count higher than 15. So, from now on it's gonna be exciting to see if something new will sprout from my brains unto the screen stuck to the page with the url http://www.wiwipedia.blogger.com/.

That was my ramble about the 15th.

I would If I Could

Notice how I try to find a matching title for my texts, but usually they only match the intro of the text. Not that my text can be parted into intro-body-outtro...

I am on my mind. The only one I can really say anything about is me. I know what and who I like. I know the things I do. I know the things I'm good at or bad at. I know what makes me tick, laugh, sleep, any action I actually don't do.

He's on my mind too, but I know nothing about him. All I know is that I think (=me again) he's yummie. And that is as far as I get knowing something about him; he's got a fan....and a million...

I have the tendency to go completely nuts over one person. I dream him, live him, sleep him, eat him, kill him, pain him and love him.

I'm an Aparition - Being to Fall Back to Dust

I have a head with brains in them. I've got eyes, ears and mouth. I've got a mind. I've got a body. To think, see, hear, taste and be. To be visible and touchable. I am not my body; I am who I speak, what I say and do. I am a definition defined and summarized in one name.

I will change, or live the same ways I always have. I will learn or reach back to old wisdoms I've stolen from books, magazines, movies, bad mouthing and sight on sight. I will do the things I learned to do, or let it go, slipping from my fingers. I won't be better or worse than the next man. I won't be more or less than any other.

As time will pass, we will see.

I am Who? I am Wii!

We people are constantly busy changing, developing, and evoluting. Therefore we constantly need to redefine ourselves, or reinvent ourselves, or rediscover ourselves. From the age of +1 day till the very moment of death, we are man-made. We are manipulative or manipulated. We are dependent in discovering our worlds ourselves. Some of us will run, other will crawl. Some will get up and take off while others remain in a lying position.

We're from all kind of walks of life, for we invented life as we live it. We put meanings to things which are meaningless, possibly. We dismiss the most important things in life, probably. Still we live on, without retaliation, but the ones we bring upon each other. With justice undefined as it is, every judgement seems to be a wandering. We put faces and colors to good and wrong and wonder how others can be so colorblind. We call each other names, bad or pet, both picturing the ignorance we're submerged in.

If we want to, we can live it twice; in the bright lights of the sun or in technicolor. We can choose to make the same mistakes digitally as we made in reality. We can blame our minds, others or technology. We can play, outside, inside, upward or downward. We can combine, merge or mistake the lifes together. We can finally put words to the faces we want to have, or to the dreams that remained dreams. We can fake what was already fake and fool the fools who were already fooled.

I can define me, all over again.


And then blogspot suggests I could use the following labels for this blog:
- scooters
- vacation
- fall

I think that's exactly the label it'll get: scooters, vacation, fall

FACTS: Still Lost!

- The passed two months haven't helped me to readers who leave me comments telling me they at least read my blog. That's okay, tho it hurts...
- My computer is not ready to log on to the rkop-chatbox...still not...
- My computer is finally accompanied by a new screen....still...
- The new sound boxes I bought...SUCK! With a Capital SUCK and an exclamation mark...still do...
- I don't know yet how to handle my new DVD-player, but it was nice to see all that old Mraz stuff again...still not...
- Now I remember Dennis Morris' name again. It's Dennis Morris....it's nice to have a notepad...
- I forgot about my new blogspot all together....Yup, again!
-We finally attached the towel hangers to the wall; one and a half in the kitchen and four in the bathroom...and two already came off.
-I was up at 7.00 am this morning.
-It took me almost 1 hour to get to work.
-I reviewed my passed two months using my review from a couple of weeks ago.
- I'm too lazy to write a completely new review.

I'm a Rooster - the flip side of life

I belief that fysical abuse from my side is good for me. I know that he can take it. I know I don't care if he hurts, as long he doesn't bother me with it. I am selfish, and I don't feel bad about it. I belief that most people are dumb and ignorant and don't really deserve it to live. I wouldn't mind molesting him and hurting him badly. I wouldn't give a damn if he was crawling on the ground in pain. It would excite me.

I am hurt, the other side of sweet. I don't feel, you can't hurt me anymore. The only one who can hurt me is me, and I will. I am dead as much as alive. I drink from the fruits of blood and tears. No one is better than the mirror inside my head.

The flip side of life.

Sad Song

I feel like a sad song today. I'm a little worn out and I am blue.

Yesterday they asked me if I wanted to lead the rest of the outrolls. They also asked if it was not too much on top of the maintenance work I do. I said yes and no.

I listened to sad songs today on my newly burned cd. It's a new collection of songs of one of my favorite artists.

Today will be the day of seperate independent comments. They will have no connection to any other comments made earlier this day.

I so don't feel like working today.

In My Case I'll Be Sweet

I know you're not talking to me, but still it hurts. Maybe it's just my conscience. Or maybe the connection really does exsist. As many times I gross myself out I do now really scare myself. Fact is, you made me cry.

The lady in question sounds like someone I could really like, or fight. She's probably someone I would admire, and she in turn would look up to me too, or down on me too, whatever the case.

No matter how you look at it, it will cast you into a lifetime of pain, frustration, and an unhealthy loving. As if anything could be any different. You know it can't.

And I'm only glad you're not talking to me.

FACTS: Not Found!

- This weekend hasn't helped me to readers who leave me comments telling me they at least read my blog. That's okay, tho it hurts...
- My computer is not ready to log on to the rkop-chatbox.
- My computer is finally accompanied by a new screen.
- The new sound boxes I bought...SUCK! With a Capital SUCK and an exclamation mark.
- I don't know yet how to handle my new DVD-player, but it was nice to see all that old Mraz stuff again.
- Now I remember Dennis Morris' name again. It's Dennis Morris.
- I forgot about my new blogspot all together.
-I had a nice half-Saturday afternoon at the Bosbaan watching Dragon Boat Races.
-We finally attached the towel hangers to the wall; one and a half in the kitchen and four in the bathroom.
-I was up at 6.00 am this morning.
-It took me almost 1,5 hour to get to work.
-I reviewed my weekend backwards.

Just Feckin e'Round

Because he's so pretty, and so is his blog

Blogger Mania!!!

BUAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

I just refound one of my Mix-Up-Old-BloggerSpotter Blogs:

http://www.wiwikanggraini.blogspot.com/

I was so naive....awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww..........

EDIT: I found out how to add that old blog to my new account. Oh, thank you!!!

Look, I'm evolving!

FACTS - On a Personal Note

Some facts about me.

I'm not even sure about my own personal facts. It was said that I was born in Surabaya, March first, 1981. The year is probably right, but the date...At that time, in Indonesia, people didn't always take birthdates and such as serious, especially not when the babies were going for adoption, like me. So administration got lost, or data got registered wrong. Oh well...

I arrived in the Netherlands in May 1981. I have no specific dates, my mother knows these things tho.

Okay....

That was about all I wanted to let you know. Maybe more later.

I'm a Cyclist

They're like wrinkles in the water rocking my boat gently. It's not a storm, and I'm not really alarmed, tho I might start thinking of re-balancing the boat. I like my waters wrinkle free, like my shirts when I go visiting my mom. I can handle the wrinkles, I can even handle some waves, but I'm not much of a sailor. Often, and unfortunately or fortunately, it's me rocking the boat anyway.

I have to get passionate again. I need to refind the will to grow and get better. It's impossible, that at age 26, I have already reached the roof. I haven't, I know I haven't. I can still learn so much. There is still so much to wonder about, wander around, wind around, spinn around, out of control caused by severe excitement.

I need to set my new goals and the actions. I have to get myself excited again. Get a nice swing in life and dance on. It's too early to sit down to watch the rain fall and not the pieces in the right places.

I am searching again. I am lost again. I just came round to my new start, the circle I have twirled around in one cycle long. I'm back at start and good to go. I am ready to rediscover myself and to reinvent myself. Right at the start.

I am a beginner too.

the Facts

Lemme tell you some facts:

I don't know any for sure.

Do you?

I Used To Have...

I used to have two accounts on here which I kept mixing up. Now I opened the third account, cause I can't for da-life remember what inlog name or password I used.

Okay, okay...

I used to blog here, cause everyone blogged, and this one was the first for me to find. Then JCM started blogging on MySpace, and since I wanted to keep up with his online writing, I had to migrate too MySpace to get a membership. Long since gone, JCM migrated to his own personal website to blog and I stopped following along.

Still, I still had my JTM who was blogging from time to time. But Mr. JTM decided to go blog here, so here I am back. Luckily, this time, Blogger gave me the oppertunity to log on with my google account data, GAWDTHANK!! Cause that I will remember...mail stuff etcet...

BLAH!!!

EDIT: Double BLAH!!! Anyway, I am really just here to get a membership on Mr. JCM's blog, but I might blog myself, cause I like the title I choose for my blog. Now, anyone?

EDIT2: Can anyone tell me if it's possible to subscribe to blogs and if so, how do I do that!?!?