New York

Am I looking at tickets to fly to New York? Yes, I am.
Why? No idea. It's not like you're actually going to fly to New York any time soon. Nope.
Did I think of where to stay? Nope. Or what to do? Nope. And what I need? Nope, none of that.
Weren't I supposed to go to Portugal? Yup. What happened to those plans? On hold?
Would I like to fly to New York instead? Yeah, sure. Loads of things that should have been arranged and aren't so....It's not gonna happen, is it? No, I don't think so.

The first signs of madness, eh? Yes, I'm talking to myself.

Anyone care to join me on a trip to New York? Beware, qualifications to become my traveling companion are somewhat restricting.

Here's a form to fill out:

No there is not. If you really must you can ask me for it and I'll throw something together.

the Incomprehenisble Lil Luli

Let's do this:

 There was a hat, a red hat with purple curls and linnen footsteps. I was always very enarmoured with the lassies. Every night and water deep I would crawl picture load after fruitful. That how citrusses go, calm and water tight, softly laughing nearly over. That's why I can see the sky. Open heart surgery, open minded mic night, sloshing words overturned the world. Types a blazin' trompet shouter nighly paper wrapped entoed in ankle deep mudlike creature zombie cave.



 Lulu had a pink carousel. She licked it frantically, blueing tongue and all. She had yellow ballerina's soaking off her dress. She tiptoed passed the fence, white daisies in her hands. She beamed up at windows, trees and lollipops. That was how soft the wind blew.




 Clearing off the table she managed to outrun the sheep. Her fire was fading into lightness, supple daily closet kill. The tea spilled in her lap, burning white patches of carve inside her .....Not that mattered all, not that at all. She was way ahead of time and space and grace far ahead.

She slagged the yogurt off and screamed a loud outcry. but no-one heard. That feeling back again, like soft sand suffocating her. There was that feeling again of soft rain on her face and drowning her again. She opened the window and promptly fell out.








*shrugs*

That's what we call a stream of conscienceness. Absolute blabber and incomprehensibility.

Mraz vs Mayer - Hair Compare

So I now updated the JM/JM comparison twice. I pretty much ran out of steam, because I didn’t change my mind and the JM’s didn’t swap personalities nor talents. They are who they are and I am who I am. However, it’s fun, the comparison. So let’s get a little less serious.

Here’s a Hair Compare

I divided the periods up in five. This completely to my convenience and memory of severe shock. The periods are:

1. Cuddly-Wuddly-Fresh-Faced-Pop-Crooners
2. Up-and-Coming-even-Further
3. Somewhere-Inbetweeners
4. Somewhere-Down-the-Liners
5. Hipper-than-Hipster

Let’s start with the last one, since that’s the one freshest in my memory: Hipper-than-Hipster back in 2012. It was the sheer volume of the haircut + occurrence. I knew Jason was growing his hair, I didn’t know John was too.

The judgement

Volume
Both got a nice head of hair with good volume. In both cases the hair frames the face nicely and give the gentelemen a nice full, if what hairy, look. They can both carry it of quite well.

Since they both have about the same volume, I’m going to give both 1 point.

Jason 1 <> John 1.

Style
Both have a bit of curls, which I quite like. In Jason’s case his curls can become quite wild. In this picture however, his curls seem to be a bit absent. Shame, because it makes for a very interesting appearance.

Another point to touch on, freshness in the style. It is commonly known Jason is not into hair products and hair caring all that much. This means, his hairdo doesn’t always look as fresh and clean. John I never saw with a greasy, unbrushed do.

The point has to go to John for taking the best care.

John 2 <> Jason 1.

Accessories
I choose an uncharacteristic picture for Jason. Jason is a hat man, part because of his neglect in hair care sometimes. Jason sported, fedora’s, bandana’s, beanies, etc. John, sporting an interesting hat in this picture, usually goes for the bare hair look.

This point must go to Jason for the sheer variation of accessories worn on locks.

Jason 2 <> John 2.

So, who wins? I don’t know.

This also happened in 2012.

It was a hairy year.



About Taylor Swift

I'm sorry, I don't mean to be mean to be mean to....anyway...but this is funny:

"Jake Gyllenhaal, Bradley Cooper, John Mayer, and Vince Vaughn.


What do all these men have in common?

She must be the hardest working beard in Hollywood."

Found here.

That forum is out of control:

"If i was Jake Gyllenhaal and could do any chick in the world, i'd choose Maggie Gyllenhaal"

And a last one.

This was the title of the thread: "Jake Gyllenhaal is eager to step into the void vacated by Bradley Cooper, John Mayer, and Vince Vaughn. Don't kid yourself; you'd give your right arm for a chance at it too"


And this is a reaction to it:

"He's going to step into it? Like with his foot? If he can pull that off, I guess we can stop wondering why the other ones left her."

And to brighten things up:

Well - seeing her checked man past he should wear some protection:

 

Love is a Four Letter Word....and a Verb

I’m shamefullly behind on listening to both JM’s newest albums, both released at some point in 2012. I can also shamefully report that after listening to John’s “Born and Raised” I lost the cd, so I’ve only played it legally once. And to my big shame, I thought I bought Jason’s “Love is a Four Letter Word”, but I sure as hell can’t find the damn cd. Now I’m not so sure anymore I actually bought it.

So in both cases, I’ve been shamefully listening to their new music through YouTube.

From what I’ve heard so far, it sounds like both are refinding their roots while developing on. By listening to their new stuff, I’ve been feeling really proud and happy. I think they’re both doing fantastically now. They both grew musically, but also personally which is reflected in their lyrics. They’re still them, very different and easy to tell apart and yet similar. It still amuses me how their careers seem to surf on the same waves. Good for them.

Finally, I think I’ve heard enough from both to make a proper comparison again, though I already know what the end result will be.

The categories
1. Talent: In which I’ll judge their playing & singing. Two points can be won;
2. Songs: In which I’ll judge their songs, musically and lyrically. Two points to win;
3. Personality & Publicity: How are they and how do they deal with the press? Two points;

Buy "Born and Raised"

the Comparison

Talent
John had granulomas in his throat. He had surgery to remove them and then vocal rest for the greater part of 2011. He only just started singing again. He sounds good to me. Still not the best vocalist, but steady, even after surgery.

In the meantime Jason has been developing his guitar playing. In the live version of “93 Million Miles” he plays a nice guitar solo for which I can give nothing but kudos. Still, I don’t think he can beat John in a guitar playing contest.

I’m going to give both one point; they both deserve it.

Jason 1 <> John 1.


Songs
Musically I’m still most attracted to Jason’s stuff. Also his lyrics can be amazing, or a bit too hippy. That’s why it’s still John’s lyrics that grab me most and his melodies are still very pleasing to my ears, but not as much as Jason’s. They’re two different beasts doing their own thing. There is a reason why I love both.

Buy "Love is a Four Letter Word"

John gets one point for his lyrics and Jason one for his music.

John 2 <> Jason 2.

Personality & Publicity
They both been idiots in the past. John said some really nasty things about some of his exes in an interview and Jason got engaged and broke up within the timespan of a few months claiming he didn’t “feel man enough” in the relationship. In both cases I could do nothing but think: “Idiot!!!” What’s the matter with you!?!?!?” Around that time I fell off the bandwagon.


Jason has now retreated into blissful press silence about his relationships, which I think he still does sublimely. John came back last year after a long (forced) silence and obviously reflected on the crap he had left and admitted he “was a jerk”.
So that’s that then. No points, because they’ve been misbehaving.

Really, John lost a point, but I’m not going to take it from him. See it as some sort of encouragement to keep up his current good behaviour.)

Who wins?
Still no-one. I still like them equally and I still wish them all the luck and happiness in the world. And remember, “Love” is a four letter word and a verb. They got that right. I think I'll try and design a tattoo for that.

Smart Blogging Skills

Blogger has this beautiful functionality where you can see stats of your blog. You can see how many page views you've got, how the surfers ended up on your blog and they're from, etc. Beautiful and useful. So I now know you are very interested in my reasoning why Brokeback Mountain is not just another love story and who's better, John or Jason, or Jason or John? I will also suggest you download "A Poet From Hollywood" by Cantara Christopher, since you were very willing to read my take on the book and there was actually nothing in that post about the book. Go here if you're really interested.

However, I'm still just a small, lone blogger and it remains decidedly quiet in this corner of the Internet.

Winter Blues and/or Quarter Life Crisis

Since a few years I’ve een suffering from winter blues, or rather it’s a lack of light. It always starts somewhere around October. I start to feel down and somewhat depressed. I don’t want to do anything. I have trouble getting up and my overall mood decreases. Not a fun period at all. Luckily I live in a country were the seasons tend to be quite present, so after winter, so far, spring always followed and eventually summer.

As soon the first “warmer” sun rays hit the surface and it’s still light outside when I get home from work my energy levels peak. I suddenly want to do things. I suddenly have loads of energy and ideas. I suddenly start new side projects and take part in contests and I shall win (I’m very competetive in spring).

This year my collegue, with whom I share most of my workload, decided to take a month long holiday to Australia. This means I have to do it all myself, his tasks on top of my own. I was supposed to learn how to do intakes anyway, so it’s only favourable. After he returns I’ll be completely up to speed and then I’ll go on holiday.

Not at all that interesting, I just thought I’d let you know. My latest adventure has been my double workload, yes, and figuring out what my company offers in online learning. Sounds simple, believe me, in my company, incredibly complicated. As always, loads of people had the sublime idea to start an online environment for people to do e-learning. The task I took upon me is to unravel what’s there and then add to it. Hah!

Challenge this time: Finish the freakin’ project!!!

Here’s a little piece I wrote yesterday in bed:

Life seemed to have really started. My quarter life crisis or my last chance of youth has now really evaporated. We're all slowly coming to terms with life.

In 2000 we started to walk, we tried to run. Everything and all was 24, maybe 23. We went faster than the wind, faster than we ever dared to dream and then we fell flat on our face. We are now getting back up, straightening our backs, broken bones and blue spots representing or failures, mistakes, lessons learned and some life experience.

We are ready now, to take over the weight.

Dedicated to my own generation; to my "heroes", or fellow sufferers.

It's Been International Women's Day

It’s been international women’s day last Friday. Every year my organization also organizes a special conference especially for women, though men are welcome too. It was the second time I joined the conference. Up until last year I kept far from it. The reason is that I think we landed at a point where the emancipation of women entered a new era. We’ve come far already and yes, we still have some length to travel. The last few miles, I believe we should be joining forces with the males. In the end we have to do it together and stop setting ourselves apart as a discriminated group.



From this to...


Instead of trying to erase all differences, certain differences should be underlined and celebrated. Fact is, we are different. Fact also is, we’ve been making up human life on this planet together for a long time. We can’t do without each other. Those differences are not new, yet we managed to survive with each other. We should find the strength in the differences and use them to develop on. Therefore I was somewhat thrilled there was a workshop about how a management top with women in it did better compared to a top with only men. In the end I did not join that particular workshop, maybe I should have.

Did you know most of the time the women are their own limit or the once that was the cause of not an equal treatment opposed to the treatment a man receives? It has to do with our own attitude.

For instance, taking the steps towards management. Women are more often inclined to take a step back in their career to take care of the family, while men do this less often. Or women are more careful about what they say than men which means more often women keep silent while they should have said something. In other words, men are more often heard. Or in salary discussions. Women are more likely to accept the employers offer instead of fighting for a better offer while men do take a stronger stand in what they want.

...this and eventually to...

I twice read in a paper about a very popular Dutch discussion show (Pauw & Witteman for the Dutchies) about why not as many women come on the show. The reason was, women were more careful. They thought about what might be asked and choose not to go. A man would more likely think less about that before accepting the invitation.

Another reason there are less women in top management is, women are not as interested as men in working in (top) management. They have other wishes and other things they find important in their job. They want to develop in depth, not in height. This doesn’t automatically mean women should not be encouraged to take that next step, but we should be realistic about how many women should reach management jobs.

this!!!

I find this subject hard to discuss. I don’t have the ambition to grow to a management position. What I believe that women emancipation is, is about getting the same possiblities as men to do what they want. Isn’t that what equility is about?

My favourite quote of the day (paraphrased): “In the future women will be so far developed, they can impregnate themselves and the males become useless and eventually disappear. So what are we talking about in this conference?”

Love & Other Drugs - Comments

The movie does have some redeeming features and scenes. Unfortunately, it’s not enough to redeem it completely or even justify the convoluted end result.

Most of the nudity happens on the poster

I do like the ideas behind the movie, but there are too many. None of the ideas and subjects get enough space and time to make an impact.

I do like a few scenes, especially the ones where Jamie takes Maggie to the convention and Maggie ends up in the unconvention. It’s the banter of those people, those other people with Parkinsons. I recognized their attitude and the way they handeled their situation. I remembered my dad and the days we hung around with other families with a MS patient. I remember the understanding you encounter during those days. All that comes across in Love & Other Drugs, and then as quickly as it came it’s over. Those scenes take up about 10 minutes, and then I return to boredom, annoyance and indifference. Such a shame.


While in bath, he keeps on his clothes

Why was the movie promoted as having a lot of nude in it? Because of that promotion I was expecting something something more and what we get is some nudity in a movie about a boy selling legal drugs, or about a girl having Parkinsons, or what? It seems the marketing department wasn’t entirely sure what the movie was about either. Oh look, I can see some skin. Let’s promote it as having a lot of nudity in it. I don’t know. The filmmakers seem to want to have an opinion on everything, but doesn’t have it.

It also has Oliver Platt and Hank Azaria in it. Wahey!

Brokeback Mountain is NOT Just Another Love Story

Worst Oscar winners seems to be an hot subject.


Remember the year Brokeback Mountain won the Oscars? Yeah, nobody does, because it never happened.

On YouTube I was reading the comments. I don’t know why, I do know I should stay away from there. On the other hand, it inspired me to write this blog.
Some people claimed Brokeback Mountain is better than Crash, but wasn’t as good as some people say. In the end, according to those not preferring Brokeback Mountain but one of the other contenders except Crash, Brokeback Mountain, outside it being about gay love, was only a weak love story and therefore should not be the Oscars’ favourite.

I just love this picture.

What makes Brokeback Mountain is the love between two men. Brokeback Mountain is about that love and about how society, people, can react to that kind of love. It is about the consequences, about the feelings and emotions that living such a love in that way brings. That is what Brokeback mountain sets apart from every other love story. That story is told well, even though the concept of a love story and the way the love is played out is not inventive.

It’s a shame crew and cast alike keep saying it’s just another love story. If it is just another love story, it’s not deserving of an Oscar. But it’s not just another love story, nor was it ever intended as just another love story. It was a statement about something that shouldn’t be that way but is. A statement that had not yet been made in such a way. That is what Brokeback Mountain got over Crash. If the gay factor had not been the subject, the movie wouldn’t have been made.

I don’t know for sure if Brokeback Mountain would have been the deserved winner, I haven’t seen the other movies. I just wanted to defend it against the argument that underneath it’s only an average love story. Underneath a lot of layers of what makes this movie matter, yes, possibly. However, with the subject as it is, I don’t see how BBM could ever have been just another love story.

Tomorrow “Love & Other Drugs”.

ETA: Article: Huh, in which universe did Brokeback Mountain win the Oscars?

An Heads Up!

Spring is coming again which means I'm taking up projects and initiatives. Which also means that I'll be bussier with work which means less time for blogging.

There are a few things I really want to say though. There's the whole international women's day, last friday. There's me rewatching Jake movies and forming opinions and ideas about those. There's something I want to say about "Love & Other Drugs" and about about "Brokeback Mountain". But not now. Later.

Don't feel afraid/embarrassed/shy to poke me about those.

Jake Gyllenhaal about Heath Ledger

Can anybody explain to me what Jake meant to say here?

"I don’t really like talking about it. That period of time was…it was difficult. He was very sensitive. He didn’t always have a sense of performance in his everyday life. He knew who he was. I think actors very often, they know how to present something, and that’s part of their job. I think he was just really sensitive. We often used to do a lot of things together, because people were very interested in him and I think we felt safe together. Even when we did Brokeback and stuff, it was like my work was the only thing that mattered to me. It was like I could only understand or define myself through doing that. Life, I didn’t totally understand. And I think I was afraid of life. And I had success in my work, enough success that you could keep going back there. But after that happened…I think I recognized that it was work. And I recognized that this is for real."

Source: GQ magazine.

Can I point out that Jake used to hang out with Heath because people were very interested in Heath? Uhmmm... Was that just an unfortunate way of phrasing? Let's give him the benefit of the doubt.

Since yesterday's post I felt the need to collect the other moments where Jake pretended to talk about Heath. I have to admit this is more for my own collection and convenience, but for anyone who stumbles across this blog and post to enjoy.

Here's Jake referencing Heath.

These were two very recent examples. I remember seing an interviewer cornering Jake on the red carpet. He politely replied a very general reply. I've been searching for that video, but can't seem to find it anymore, neither do I remember from which award show it was, possibly the 2008 Oscars.

This was what I was looking for:

" "I do miss him," Jake tells Live magazine."

Source: www.nowmagazine.com

Thanks, Jake.

About "A Poet From Hollywood"

The Gyllenhaals. Even their name sounds mythical. I could easily picture an ancient wood in which the family lives, in sync with nature while they chop away the squirrel’s tree to extend the already big treehouse. All the animals in the wood look up to them, eventhough the family are stealing their food and ruining their habitat. Then everything comes crashing down when the son makes it big and the truth comes out. The other squirrels learned to write and they wrote books.

Yesterday I finished reading Cantara Christopher’s book “A Poet From Hollywood”. I find it hard to say much about it; I just feel like a spectator to that part of her life. Sure, I have my own opinion on some things. Strangely, Stephen Gyllenhaal’s behaviour doesn’t mean anything at all to me, it’s Cantara’s behaviour that annoys me. For me it’s easier to relate to Becky Heineke than to Cantara and Stephen? Well, I feel we know so little about him and I have not been offended by him in any way, I don’t know how to feel or what to think about him. He’s definitely disconnected with the rest of the world, but not even slightly as weird as some of my own friends. Maybe that didn’t come across in the book. Stephen feels unreal to me. Pretty much like Jake, as a matter of fact.

Cantara’s book is a very one-sided retelling of events. In the end I’m not even sure what the book is about. Is it about Stephen Gyllenhaal trying to become a poet? Is it about Stephen Gyllenhaal in general? Or is it about someone’s view on Stephen Gyllenhaal? In this paragraph I’ve written his full name so often, I lost any appetite in him I had left, if I had any in the first place.

What did stand out to me is the same thing that stood out in Becky’s book. That might have to do with it being about Jake, or maybe not at about Jake at all. It’s in every way a strange insight into someone or maybe rather not an insight in him at all. What does it say about him? Nothing much, except that he gets upset easily, or maybe not at all.

I’m talking about this:

From ‘I’m Stalking Jake’ at the height of Babygate said by Ally, former IHJ writer:

“…Jake was mad.” If you want to know why Jake was mad, read “I’m Stalking Jake”.

From ‘A Poet From Hollywood’ about Stephen’s poetry bundle that was about to be published:

“Jake-doesn’t-like-the-cover.”

 What is it about both phrases that made them stick in my mind? Not because it seems out of character for Jake. I would even say it’s very much in character. What I think is funny about it is that in both cases it doesn’t concern Jake directly. In Babygate it concerned the Gyllengaards and in the poetry case it concerned Stephen the poet. It’s nice to see Jake cares, but every time he seems to be the one feeling the strongest about everything, or people are always exaggerating about his feelings. Fact remains, we never get to hear it straight from the horse’s mouth, which gives the message “Jake is really upset” a strange ironic undertone, because he never seems upset enough to say so in person. I know in both cases the situation isn’t such in which we can hear Jake say the words. That however, brings us to the next weird thing.

Neither of the books are actually about Jake and yet it’s Jake who started it all by playing a gay Cowboy. On top of that, both books tell about an era in the Hollywood Gyllenhaal’s history that was probably a turning point for the family in many ways. Two books suddenly shed, in a second hand view, a light on the family’s private matters which they had always managed to keep under wraps. Suddenly the perception of a noble, down-to-earth, perfect and close Hollywood family is shattered. Not just because of the books.

That brings me to the following phrase in Cantara’s book:

“Or was Team Gyllenhaal merely a shrewdly manufactured image of that glamur?”

It looks like it, Cantara.

That remark reminded me of what was said during the commentary on Moonlight Mile. It had the writer, Dustin Hoffman and Jake talking about a scene were Joe (the main character in the movie) walks in on his “parents-in-law” fighting. Jake tells how familiar that was to him, because his own parents were constantly fighting when he was young. What struck me was Dustin Hoffman’s reaction: “Becareful, because your parents might watch this.” I thought it was strange for him to say that. I would have told him to becareful to put something like that in public, but Hoffman was specifically worried about what his parents might say about Jake revealing that. It suggests it was a Hollywood public secret that the Gyllenhaals were keeping up appearances.

What I always did and what I also tried to do with Jake is trying to get an idea of who he is in person. Not ever before did I have so much trouble getting a sense of someone. First you’ve got the Gyllenbabble which even I can’t understand. Then you’ve got him hiding as much as possible and not reacting to rumors and gossips. Of course he’s entitled to his privacy, and he isn’t obliged to react to rumors and gossips. Problem with Jake is, he doesn’t give anything.

Case in point, Heath Ledger’s death. I appreciate the fact that his relationship to Heath was very personal and private. I don’t need to hear if and how he grieved. However, a small word would have been nice, but we got nothing. Not really. It makes him look like a cold person who doesn’t really care about his lost “friend”. I’m sure he did, and I’m sure he still does, but he leaves it all to others. It fed some rumors he was closer to Heath than he probably was, it also fed some rumors that suggested their friendship was a total farce, which I don’t believe either. My impression is he doesn’t know how to talk about it.

Here’s one specific answer from Jake on the question: “Are you uncomfortable remembering him in public?”

"Yes," he said, pausing. "Brokeback Mountainwas painful. Any time you go into pain, I don't think you necessarily want to go back. But the results of that film, and how the public responded to it so hugely, were worth it. Walking through any kind of pain is usually worth it. As close as we all became making that movie, for all those other people, it didn't extend much farther than [the movie itself], so that experience of work could be easily talked about for publications. The experience Heath and I had was also shared publicly with all the press and publicity we did. But what we shared as friends, though I respect the interest that so many people have in the mourning and grieving process and how it feels to other people, I feel like -- and I don't mean this in an unkind way -- but I don't think it's anybody's business but his and mine. So in that sense, to really respect him -- and also the way he felt about his life and his private life and what he cared about, because he was a deeply caring and loving human being -- every time anybody asks me any question about him, it would be like he was sitting next to me, and I know he would roll his eyes, because that's the way he was. It was between us."

It’s remarkable how he talks around his own feelings not giving anything away. I can understand what he’s saying (for a change), but just saying: “Yes, I miss him” or something would have made it a bit more personal, but wouldn’t have given anything away. Is that really a problem, saying he misses Heath? Or doesn’t he? See my point? He does this every time.

I really believe he can handle this side of his job much better than he does. Maybe he should go talking about Jason (Mraz). The only rumor about him is that he’s gay, to which Jake can relate. Jason can tell him how to give something without really giving anything, yet everybody seems pretty happy with the little he’s given while Jake is still massively hunted to get anything out of him.

It’s all broken, nothing really quite works. No control over the paps, no control over his fandom, not enough control over his talent and hardly any control over his friends and family (it still sounds like Naomi dictates all life).

Anyway, the book. To me it confirmed in a way how I already thought of them; there’s more than meets the eye, which is a given since hardly anything meets the “public” eye. Even after having read “A Poet from Hollywood” I didn’t learn much about them. That the word private for the family is written with a capital Private is now confirmed. That Stephen can be weird is also confirmed. That Stephen is unreliable is something we learned and chances are that Jake is too, which means that Taylor Swift was right all the time. That was not the conclusion I was aiming for.

 I must say, those Gyllenhaals inspire people to write. At least two books have been written and I’m writing blog after blog about those critters. What amuses me about this blog, and slightly scares me, is that I’ve been writing about the Gyllenhaals in a rather intimate way, eventhough I know nothing about them. Apparently, they regard every word uttered about them online as an insult. So this turns out to be one massive insult.




I would like to close this rant with the following:
"Although the mother of two and grandmother of one is understandably protective of her family’s privacy, her voice changes when she mentions the Gyllenhaal clan."

“My family is my greatest joy,” she said.

Source: School of Cinematic Arts News

Fun note: Originally I wanted to put a picture of Naomi in the bottom accompanying her quote, but she was a pain in the ass. (image jumping up and down the page) So here's Maggie instead with mums higher up.

My Problems With Authority

It’s been a while since I’ve seen “End of Watch” and it’s been even longer since it was first in cinemas across the world. I haven’t said anything about it, because everybody else was already. I don’t really have anything to add. That’s a lie. If I didn’t have anything to add I wouldn’t be writing this blog. I’m not going to write a review, because in that case, I really don’t have anything to add. Instead, I want to tell you about my authority issues.

My criminal offences are limited to crossing streets while the lights are red and the occasional free trip on train or metro. Other then that, I’m a good girl. I never even offended an officer while he/she was doing his/her job. I acted annoyed, yes, never uttered an offense in hearshot. As a matter of fact, there have only been two ocassions in which I came in contact with police, both had to do with me crashing my car.

Let me explain the source of my annoyance. Police officers tend to approach people with a certain attitude. On one hand I understand, on the other, it pisses me off. I don’t like to belittled. I don’t like to manipulated into offensive behaviour. I don’t like to be approached as something I’m not. I used to have a leasecar, I don’t anymore so that solved several problems nicely. When you’re stopped for whatever, alcohol test or speed etc, and you roll down your window, the first thing you see is a police officer bending down and looking at you as if you’re a little child. “Well well, young lady, and how fast were we driving?” Fuck off!!! Just tell me straight that I was speeding, give me the fucking ticket and let me go.

I’m not a criminal and I certainly don’t look like one so I have no personal experience, but I’ve seen in movies (possibly acted to make it all look more dramatic) and reality cop shows (possibly because a camera is aimed at them) too often how alleged criminals are manipulated into bad behaviour. The police officers, more often than not, seem to be starting the fight (fights usually don’t start with hitting and kicking, but with words). Like I said before, I’m not a criminal and I certainly don’t look like one, so I don’t know if this also happens for real when there are no cameras aimed at them. Suspicion is that it is exactly how things go, based on how often I’m being talked down to by people in uniforms.


Officers Zavala and Taylor after the fight....or before...who cares....?


That’s my problem with authority. And that’s also my problem with “End of Watch”. There’s one scene where one of the officers we’re following, Mike Zavala, is daring(?) an alleged criminal. I don’t remember why they were visiting him at his home or what he had done, neither did it matter. What that scene was about was officer Zavala showing the criminal who was boss, or something. I don’t know, I was irritating my tits off when I saw that scene. Police officers are supposed to be the law. Then why do they act like arrogant twats who beat up people they don’t like and treat other people like they’re lesser inhabitants of this earth? Aren’t they supposed to be an example of good?


 Yes, I do agree, they have a tough and potentially dangerous job. And yes, there are some weird and mad people out there. However, I’m not a criminal, neither do I behave like a criminal, nor am I a child who did something naughty. I like to be treated like a normal grownup with respect. Maybe I’ve done something illegal, but even then you can just approach me in a normal way. Only when I’m actually rude and offensive, then you can start treating me in a harsher way (still no need for abuse, however). Not that I would agree then.

Non-birthday Activities

Another year over. I canceled my birthday really. However, I picked up quite a few presents from vendors. Registering on webshops has its advantages and disadvantages. Today I choose to see it as an advantage. In total I collected three free gifts on a hair product shop, two pieces of jewels from a groupdealer and €5 from the petshop. Not bad on a non-birthday day.


Incidentally, today I also have my development conversation with my manager in about 25 minutes. I wonder if he planned it like this on purpose. What am I going to say to him? That I’m best at the technical, cold logical stuff, but I have no interest in it? That has been my problem since my career started. I did several capability and talent tests and every test says I’m good at the technical stuff, the building. Communication is not my strongest ability, but with some support and a lot of effort from my part I can do the job. It annoys me, because the technical stuff bored me and I very quickly moved to the more functional stufff which requires more communication. Usually with some support at the start, but always fairly independent and doesn’t take a job effort anyway?

I did not prepare fully as is required. I thought about where I want to go next. I did not check which trainings to follow to further my development. I have however two trainings in mind that been spinning around in my job development for a few years now. I could take the training “Reporting” for a reduced price offered to me after I followed a training that was aimed at a lower ability focus group. And then there’s part two of the Problem and Change analysis training. For the former I need to check if the offer still stands and for the latter I’m not sure if part two still gets executed. There is a part two of another training I once did, Prince2 which focusses on project organization. Except that part two focusses on project managers.

What I really should do is getting to know the products we’re offering to our business. Problem is, I’m really not interested. The main function and how it generally works I know, I don’t know in greater detail how it works. Neither do I necessarily need to know how it works, but it could be handy.

I also need to be more updated about the development in the market, but that’s just keeping up, there’s no training or cursus for that.

***About an hour later***

The conversation went fairly well. My manager had some suggestions and it seems I will actually have a development plan. Oh my, I’m going to develop!

Plan is to develop towards a more functional (as opposed to technical) side. This means developing my people skills and two trainings came up:
- Professional Advice Abilities
- Personal Effectivity (adjusting your own behaviour based on other people’s behaviour)
Sounds actually interesting and promising.

So far, not too bad a non-birthday.