"no offence and of course it's your blog with your thoughts so this is not criticism but you seem a little sure of yourself and find that people who think differently have an 'attitude problem'."
Of course I'm pretty sure about the things I say, and if not, I usually put them before a questionmark. With that said I'm not saying I'm right, or that I'm all knowing, cause I'm not. I'm exploring and I'm doing it in public for everybody to read and comment.
But I have to ask you: On what did you base the idea that I 'seem a little sure of' myself? Especially in the blog you commented on I wrote "people were saying to me". In other words, other people were sure and told me to think and do differently. I thought about it and decided they were right. So, what did you base that statement on? Even in other blogs I wrote recently I found nothing but personal questions, experiences and thoughts. Of course I'm sure about those; what I think and feel are the only things I'm sure of.
You should also know that all the things I'm stating here as fact are not even my original ideas, but stolen from scientists, prophets, philosophers, and so on. I don't think in the entirety of my blog I have said one word, that was not about me or my emotions, that was once uttered before by a wiseman who thought hard and well about it. A lot of my theories are stolen from psychology and religion like Buddhism.
Also the comment about that I seem to think differently thinking people have an attitude problem puzzles me. What did you base that on? Was it that message on RKOP? Well, that partly was an attitude problem. However, don't forget it's not easy to change attitudes. Don't forget any attitude is just the product of a brainwash. Those people with the "attitude problem" are not even really to blame, but they are the once who can change it. And no matter how you look at it, but if you want to find happiness, or rather peace of mind, you're going to have to adopt a certain attitude. You can break and make with your own mind way more than most people know or dare to believe. I'm pretty sure about this, cause I've seen it many times and the old wise prophets can't all be wrong.
I would not look at it as an "attitude problem", but rather an attitude that's not going to help you to find the happiness, or warm fuzzy feeling you're looking for. You might find that feeling, but it's not going to be because of that attitude, rather despite of that attitude.
"Don't you think that someone who has the possibility, the time and the energy to think about finding happiness, can't be very unhappy in the first place?"
No, I don't think so. If you read my blog carefully you will find that I think most people are happy without knowing it. Also I know a lot of people are thinking about happiness, because they (think they) feel unhappy. So my question back to you would be: Why would somebody who's not happy not be able to think about finding happiness? I think he is able to think about it, but he might not be able to find the key to happiness. The reasons can be many, for example they think they don't deserve it, or they think it doesn't actually exsist.
The whole happiness thing goes around in circles. Whoever is able to be happy probably always will be or has it easier, even though he has loads to worry about.
On the other hand, the one who can't find happiness probably thinks about it way more, but can't seem to figure out how to be happy and let every bad moment drag him down deeper.
In the end the happy person thinks less about it and just is happy, while the other person thinks about it a lot, but never gets happy.
People tend to forget about the things they have and complain about the things they don't have. They tend to take the things they have for granted and bemoan the things they lack. It's the same with happiness. When people are happy, they're not going to think about it too much, because they already are and they don't need to do anything to become. Only when they don't feel happy they start to think about why and how to become happy again.
Now just forget what I said (because your truth might be different from mine) and tell me: What is happiness to you? Are you happy? And what is peace of mind to you? Do you have peace of mind? Do you think the two have to do with each other? Why or why not?
5 comments:
Hello, again.
First of all, let me say I have not read your blog, just the last couple of entries and the comment I left the other day, was based on several entries together.
I came across your blog after I'd read your comment on Jason Mraz's, where you wrote 'How far are you americans behind?'. Of course, I already know all these tips too, since years, but I don't go shouting how dumb the others are. And if I feel like that, I imagine the americans who read it liked it a lot less still :)
So that's where my 'You seem a little sure of yourself' comes from.
Only it was strengthened by something I read in your blog, which I now know misinterpreted.
In your posting 'Old Practice, New Period' you write:
"And my initial reaction to people having trouble practicing positivity and gratitude was: “There’s something wrong with your attitude.”"
Having a (bad) attitude usually means you consider yourself better than others and look down on them. It's about having a big ego and feeling superior.
From your last posting I now understand that with attitude you meant the literal sense of the word. And there I agree with you. Seeing life in a positive way, depends on your attitude, on how you stand in life. I just misinterpreted.
Now about happiness.
Me, I make the difference between 'being lucky' and 'being happy'. I know I'm very lucky to live here in Europe, to have a good job, food, loving parents and man, friends, good health, etc.
But that does not necessarily mean that I'm happy. It can be a factor in happiness, but always because you do see people in whose life everything goes wrong, who still manage to feel happy and people who have literally everything who die from unhappiness.
My point is that the discussion about happiness-unhappiness is a luxury problem.
I don't know if you've seen the (flemish) movie 'Aanrijding in Moscou'? In the first scene, the female protagonist is doing her shopping in a discount supermarket. And her expression says it all.
Sometimes you have so many burdens, so many problems, that the only thought you have in the morning is how you'll get through the day.
For example the lady from the movie: Your husband left you for a young girl, after 20 years of marriage. You have to raise your children (among which a difficult teenager) alone. You get up at an ungodly hour every morning to do numbing job and when you come out you still have the whole household to do. Day after day.
You see, life kicks you down, time and time again, and everyone expects you to just get up again and carry on.
You are right, all depends on the right attitude, but that attitude requires a lot of energy. Energy you simply don't have if your days are about surviving and not living.
I think in these cases (and just look around you in the supermarket, morning train or wherever, they are everywhere), in these cases you have so much to think of that happiness is not in your top 10. It's simply too much to hope for.
If you find yourself thinking of how unhappy you are, for me, it shows you still are not numbed by other problems. And that is a good thing, of course.
For me happiness and serenity are much related. I think happiness comes only in small doses, short moments, blasts when everything is perfect and light. While serenity is more like a continuous condition. I do think serenity is needed to feel happy though.
Now me?
Like I said, I am lucky in a lot of ways. But the past 2 years life has kicked me down hard a couple of times. By the end of last year I was becoming the numb and bitter woman from the movie.
At the beginning of January some people shook me up, and Jason Mraz with his blog played an important role in that too.
I am now trying to - and gradually succeeding in - seeing beauty again, obtaining the positive attitude.
But if you ask me if I'm happy? no. Serenity is missing.
But that's ok. I'm not unhappy either any more, which is already a big step forward.
Right now I need my energy to be positive and alive. Happiness is not in my reach at the moment, but it will come later. When I'll be ready for it again.
stephanie
Hello once more.
just wanted to tell you that this afternoon I felt happy. For the first time in at least 6 months.
As happiness has not been on my mind for quite some time, you making me think about it now, definitely must have something to do with it.
So thank you
stephanie
I'm glad it did something for you.
Since it's a hard subject to talk about, and since I'm a little too tired to think hard about it, I'm going to take some time in responding. Right now, I'm busy trying to phrase how I see happiness and especially how I experienced it during my youth.
It's bound to be interesting.
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