Typical subject and one that pops up from time to time. I always let it pass and get away from me. It wasn’t something I was very concerned with.
Maybe that had something to do with me not believing there’s only one person for each person. In other words, after ending a relationship with one person, be it because of death or because it simply ended, you can always start a new relationship with someone else which could be just as satisfying.
Something which always struck me about a ‘soulmate’ is the fact it doesn’t need to be your partner. What the person does need to have is a connection with you which you don’t feel with anybody else. That connection must be so deep, it’s hard to put in words; it’s more a gut feeling rather than a rationalized fact.
In conclusion it meant that the life partner could be very different. Here the statement ‘opposites attract’ comes in, while the soulmate has something deep in common.
Research on the Internet yesterday very quickly made clear that there is no universal definition for the term ‘soulmate’. Everybody has his own idea by what a soulmate is and when two people can be called soulmates. What strikes me is the high level of filosophy and, once again, gut feeling, that surrounds this term, hence the lack of an universal definition.
Of course this didn’t come out of the blue; my musings have its origin. This is where I slide back into the stupid and unexplained depths of my daydreaming and escapism. I feel a bit lost when I don’t have a means of escape. I feel a bit bored and down when there is no dream to escape in. The drab reality of day-to-day life doesn’t sit well with me. On top of that, the company I work for is very good at dumping shit all over you and then blaming you for it. Today I had to listen to several tirades from my manager about such shit dumping. Moments like these require very sturdy and engulfing daydreams.
These days I have lapses inbetween obsessions. I tend to fill them with work. The danger there is to drown; I nearly did last year. Now I’m straight into my new obsession. This one flings me back and forth and leaves a bit vulnerable. I’m closer to myself than I have been for a while, but it also means I’m more sensitive to other people’s vulnerabilities and sensitivities. This is the point where I come back to my ‘soulmate’ subject.
James Beck
As always I started with watching the primal stuff, in this case all episodes of Dad’s Army he is in. Then I went on the Internet and started looking for information; interviews (of which I only found one small bit of audio) and articles. Then I made the move to books and fictional representations of what happened back then. Now I’m at the point where there’s hardly anymore I could pick up about him. I constructed an image of his character out of all the tidbits and pieces found in articles, in interviews with his colleagues and in the one book I bought and which I’m still reading. I still feel like I don’t really know him; people seem somewhat protective of him and don’t tell all that much about him. I think Ian Lavender has been the most honest about him.
Thing is that I can’t judge him about the “bad” things that have been said about them; I do that and I understand very well why he did those things or behaved that way. Also his interests are very much like mine and on top of that, he had the same birth sign. And the last one was the one that threw me back on my most primal self. All that triggered the thought that he was my soulmate. However, I have no ground at all for that and I’m even a little embarrassed to say it. But it was the first thought I had when I realized I didn’t really need any explaination for any of his doings.
Another interesting and only slightly related fact, Alan Rickman is a pisces man too. I swear, I didn’t seek it out!
FYI: I’m a pisces woman.
Tuesday, June 23, 2015
Monday, June 8, 2015
Save Me
About one year ago I wrote this: “It’s a twisted, two-faced sentiment.”.
The piece that sentence was in, never saw the Internet light. The reason I tell you about it now is, it still feels true. The “It” in that sentence is my reflecting back on me watching television and films in my teens. Shortly before I wrote that, Rik Mayal had died and Robin Williams had committed suicide. I wrote that with Mayal’s death, it felt like the door to my youth got shut, and with the death of Williams that same door got firmly locked. No more Rik the poet, or Mrs Doubtfire.
This paragraph was supposed to lead into a piece about how I feel about someone. Instead I rambled on about watching tv in my teens, or the lack thereof. And once I managed to actually write about him it very quickly became one garbled mess. I just can’t seem to pull myself together, when it comes to him.
My feelings for(?) him have no ground, or are rather based on fairy tales. I have never met him, nor will I ever meet him. I hardly know anything about him, and all I know about him are simple facts, play, or hearsay.
He lived and died before I was even born. He’s supposed to be no more than an image on my television screen, or a memory of a comedy character in my head. And there’s nothing sensible I can say about him, but that he was an engaging and talented actor.
Then why do I feel so strongly about him? Is it the tragedy surrounding his death? Was it a very primal attraction I felt and still feel? Was it his performance, or that bit of personality shining through?
As much as writing helps getting thoughts out, or clearing your head or sorting your thoughts; every time I try to do so when it comes to him, my thoughts get stuck and my words become a jumble. There’s no relief, for the uncomfortable feeling has not dissipated. This is by far the most confusing and unsettling obsession I have ever had.
Maybe it comes down to me. Maybe my nervousness has everything to do with how I live my life at this moment. Maybe he’s lingering in my head and my heart like a wake up call. Don’t do what he did. You don’t want to end up like him, and you definitely don’t want to leave this world in 10 years time.
I don’t believe in an afterlife, but for my own ease, it’s calming to believe he’s watching over me from the beyond. It’s flattering to think he reignited my interest and took possession of my heart to save me. That’s all bullocks though. He’s dead. His soul has flown and there is no good reason why he would come back to save me, a girl who has no relation to him. Just another random lost soul. However, I’d be stupid not to listen. No matter who’s voice is really calling out to me to stop messing about. And to help myself, I will gladly believe it’s him.
The piece that sentence was in, never saw the Internet light. The reason I tell you about it now is, it still feels true. The “It” in that sentence is my reflecting back on me watching television and films in my teens. Shortly before I wrote that, Rik Mayal had died and Robin Williams had committed suicide. I wrote that with Mayal’s death, it felt like the door to my youth got shut, and with the death of Williams that same door got firmly locked. No more Rik the poet, or Mrs Doubtfire.
This paragraph was supposed to lead into a piece about how I feel about someone. Instead I rambled on about watching tv in my teens, or the lack thereof. And once I managed to actually write about him it very quickly became one garbled mess. I just can’t seem to pull myself together, when it comes to him.
My feelings for(?) him have no ground, or are rather based on fairy tales. I have never met him, nor will I ever meet him. I hardly know anything about him, and all I know about him are simple facts, play, or hearsay.
He lived and died before I was even born. He’s supposed to be no more than an image on my television screen, or a memory of a comedy character in my head. And there’s nothing sensible I can say about him, but that he was an engaging and talented actor.
Then why do I feel so strongly about him? Is it the tragedy surrounding his death? Was it a very primal attraction I felt and still feel? Was it his performance, or that bit of personality shining through?
As much as writing helps getting thoughts out, or clearing your head or sorting your thoughts; every time I try to do so when it comes to him, my thoughts get stuck and my words become a jumble. There’s no relief, for the uncomfortable feeling has not dissipated. This is by far the most confusing and unsettling obsession I have ever had.
Maybe it comes down to me. Maybe my nervousness has everything to do with how I live my life at this moment. Maybe he’s lingering in my head and my heart like a wake up call. Don’t do what he did. You don’t want to end up like him, and you definitely don’t want to leave this world in 10 years time.
I don’t believe in an afterlife, but for my own ease, it’s calming to believe he’s watching over me from the beyond. It’s flattering to think he reignited my interest and took possession of my heart to save me. That’s all bullocks though. He’s dead. His soul has flown and there is no good reason why he would come back to save me, a girl who has no relation to him. Just another random lost soul. However, I’d be stupid not to listen. No matter who’s voice is really calling out to me to stop messing about. And to help myself, I will gladly believe it’s him.
Monday, June 1, 2015
Grin, Slap Forehead
Today I was rereading some of my blog posts and came across this: Data Integration.
*Slaps forehead*
*Slaps forehead*
A New Cycle
It’s been a while since I posted here. My life seems to revolve around work these days. That doesn’t mean it’s the most important thing in my life, it just means that’s what I spent most time in, or rather that’s where the really interesting stuff is happening. However, IT, and especially systems integration, what I work in, is not necessarily all that interesting to other people.
All my faithful readers, which/whom I don’t have, know most of my obsessions concentrate on entertainment based subjects, or persons…It’s like my cycle of life. Getting into something/someone new. Getting rather obsessed about it and soaking up all available information about it which usually results in excessive internet surfing and buying books about the subject. And then…excessively posting about it on my blog, or on a forum.
Over the years I’ve seen my obsessions getting milder and the involved actions getting more controllable, but unfortunately also less exciting. For instance, I never went to a Star Trek convention, or Doctor Who convention. Hell, I even never ever met another Doctor Who fan except for the ones I turned myself through my incessant talking about it. I don’t buy everything that’s associated with it anymore. I even don’t buy the DVD’s anymore, because, you know, internet, and sharing sites.
Last year my interest in Brent Spiner petered out, because he wasn’t doing anything. And the things he was doing were mostly repeats of what he’s done (and said) before. I remember getting a bit bored entertainment wise and I started to watch loads of Tony Robinson documentaries, because history never stops being made and there is a lot of it. I now know marginally more about the Romans and the middle ages, but it’s comforting to know there’s still a lot to learn about those periods and people. I’m sure when the time is right, and I got bored again, I’ll go back to learning more about history.
However, a new development in entertainment land leads me to an old comedy series I used to watch in my teens, I think. I can’t actually remember when I watched it, or how I came across it in the first place. I must have been TV zapping back then. Also the rediscovery is almost more fascinating to me than the actual thing and the actual people involved. I say “almost”, because the reason they still have my attention are them, they, the people involved.
It’s almost a bit like how my interest in Prince Alexander started. It’s almost like how Alexander grabbed my attention and wouldn’t let go of me. He’s still with me in some kind of way, but it’s not quite as intense anymore. Though I got a little excited and strangely nervous when I went visiting ‘het Loo’, the palace he grew up in. Inside I managed to take a picture of the statue of Maurits carrying Alexander on his arm. I’m still very happy about that.
Anyway…
It was a few weeks ago, right at the start of my two weeks holiday. I was surfing Youtube, like I once was zapping across TV land and Youtube threw the suggestion at me to watch some Dad’s army. I thought: “Yeah, all right. I suppose it’s been a while since I watched it.” It struck me how recognizable the starting titles were, or how familiar the characters were to me and the situation. I was surprised to find how well I remembered the cast, and that’s not just they’re characters names and idiosyncrasies; I actually vaguely remembered a few personal things about the actors.
The one thing my memory immediately harked back to was what I knew about that younger guy, not the kid, but that other guy who played a bit of a shady person. I remembered suddenly seeing him in the show while I had not seen him before, thinking he had come in later. Back then I must have been so intrigued by this guy that I did a little research on him and found out he had died while the show was running and therefore didn’t appear in later episodes. This also automatically meant I was watching the show in the wrong order, as usual. What I also remembered was looking out for him ever since I saw him first. And I remember being vaguely happy when I established he was in the episode I was watching, and even being vaguely jealous when he was snogging some girl. Interesting that.
What’s even more interesting is that after having finished the episode I promptly forgot everything I had learnt about him. Well, not really forgotten, rather pushed to the back of my head, because about 1 months ago, all those little facts came back to me. I had to wait for the titles to rediscover his name, but all else I still sort of remembered.
Another interesting thing was, like with Star Trek the Next Generation, I didn’t remember any episode, just a few scenes. Well, “remembering scenes” is really an overstatement; I remembered them sitting on a roof trying to extinguish a fire, or him snogging that girl. Or rather, I remember the idea of them sitting on a roof trying to extinguish a fire and him snogging that girl. Other than that, I could easily watch the episodes as if I’ve never seen them before. But there he was again, and my eyes automatically searched him out first before concentrating on the situation, like back in my teens.
Unlike with Brent Spiner, or should I say Data, it always was Walker for me, though for a few short moments, during my unawareness of Walker, it was someone else (Sergeant Wilson). That’s now two men that grabbed me when I was too young and I revisited after having grown up. The other one being Alan Rickman (first noticed as Jamie in Truly, Madly, Deeply).
One exciting, yet unrelated, news item: Jonathan Pryce has joined the cast of Games of Thrones and by the looks of it, he’s going to take over King’s Landing.
All my faithful readers, which/whom I don’t have, know most of my obsessions concentrate on entertainment based subjects, or persons…It’s like my cycle of life. Getting into something/someone new. Getting rather obsessed about it and soaking up all available information about it which usually results in excessive internet surfing and buying books about the subject. And then…excessively posting about it on my blog, or on a forum.
Over the years I’ve seen my obsessions getting milder and the involved actions getting more controllable, but unfortunately also less exciting. For instance, I never went to a Star Trek convention, or Doctor Who convention. Hell, I even never ever met another Doctor Who fan except for the ones I turned myself through my incessant talking about it. I don’t buy everything that’s associated with it anymore. I even don’t buy the DVD’s anymore, because, you know, internet, and sharing sites.
Last year my interest in Brent Spiner petered out, because he wasn’t doing anything. And the things he was doing were mostly repeats of what he’s done (and said) before. I remember getting a bit bored entertainment wise and I started to watch loads of Tony Robinson documentaries, because history never stops being made and there is a lot of it. I now know marginally more about the Romans and the middle ages, but it’s comforting to know there’s still a lot to learn about those periods and people. I’m sure when the time is right, and I got bored again, I’ll go back to learning more about history.
However, a new development in entertainment land leads me to an old comedy series I used to watch in my teens, I think. I can’t actually remember when I watched it, or how I came across it in the first place. I must have been TV zapping back then. Also the rediscovery is almost more fascinating to me than the actual thing and the actual people involved. I say “almost”, because the reason they still have my attention are them, they, the people involved.
It’s almost a bit like how my interest in Prince Alexander started. It’s almost like how Alexander grabbed my attention and wouldn’t let go of me. He’s still with me in some kind of way, but it’s not quite as intense anymore. Though I got a little excited and strangely nervous when I went visiting ‘het Loo’, the palace he grew up in. Inside I managed to take a picture of the statue of Maurits carrying Alexander on his arm. I’m still very happy about that.
It was a few weeks ago, right at the start of my two weeks holiday. I was surfing Youtube, like I once was zapping across TV land and Youtube threw the suggestion at me to watch some Dad’s army. I thought: “Yeah, all right. I suppose it’s been a while since I watched it.” It struck me how recognizable the starting titles were, or how familiar the characters were to me and the situation. I was surprised to find how well I remembered the cast, and that’s not just they’re characters names and idiosyncrasies; I actually vaguely remembered a few personal things about the actors.
The one thing my memory immediately harked back to was what I knew about that younger guy, not the kid, but that other guy who played a bit of a shady person. I remembered suddenly seeing him in the show while I had not seen him before, thinking he had come in later. Back then I must have been so intrigued by this guy that I did a little research on him and found out he had died while the show was running and therefore didn’t appear in later episodes. This also automatically meant I was watching the show in the wrong order, as usual. What I also remembered was looking out for him ever since I saw him first. And I remember being vaguely happy when I established he was in the episode I was watching, and even being vaguely jealous when he was snogging some girl. Interesting that.
What’s even more interesting is that after having finished the episode I promptly forgot everything I had learnt about him. Well, not really forgotten, rather pushed to the back of my head, because about 1 months ago, all those little facts came back to me. I had to wait for the titles to rediscover his name, but all else I still sort of remembered.
Another interesting thing was, like with Star Trek the Next Generation, I didn’t remember any episode, just a few scenes. Well, “remembering scenes” is really an overstatement; I remembered them sitting on a roof trying to extinguish a fire, or him snogging that girl. Or rather, I remember the idea of them sitting on a roof trying to extinguish a fire and him snogging that girl. Other than that, I could easily watch the episodes as if I’ve never seen them before. But there he was again, and my eyes automatically searched him out first before concentrating on the situation, like back in my teens.
Unlike with Brent Spiner, or should I say Data, it always was Walker for me, though for a few short moments, during my unawareness of Walker, it was someone else (Sergeant Wilson). That’s now two men that grabbed me when I was too young and I revisited after having grown up. The other one being Alan Rickman (first noticed as Jamie in Truly, Madly, Deeply).
One exciting, yet unrelated, news item: Jonathan Pryce has joined the cast of Games of Thrones and by the looks of it, he’s going to take over King’s Landing.
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