Persistendly Stupid

I just read Jason Mraz's latest blog: freshnessfactorfivethousand.

He's persistendly annoying me. The fact he decided it was time to preach to smokers to stop smoking didn't help.

I stopped smoking a few months ago, and to be honest, I've not been very happy. Never has smoking been much of a problem to me; I just simply didn't care. The only difference is; I quit smoking. The fact that I really don't care didn't change. So every time someone's smoking or talking about smoking, I feel like crying. I never had that during my smoking time. I've been thinking a lot of times; "Gimme a cigarette, cause I really don't care and I want to go for that little moment of self fooled relax time." I never asked for a cigarette and I never gave in when people around me where smoking. I've been dreaming about smoking quite often; I never had that before either. So, so far, life got a little suckier.

I'd like to react on a few things he blogged:

"I smoked for 10 years so I know how much fear and insecurity is wrapped up in it."

No fear, just curiosity. No insecurity, cause I know I don't really need it. I really did it for that little moment, no matter how hard it fucked me. I'll fuck myself anyway.

"I also know how scary it is when you think about quitting. You might think life is gonna suck, that you’ll gain weight, or be depressed. But the fact is, if you keep smoking, you will always be out of shape and depression will be more common."

The worst thing about it is; I probably won't get much refreshed energy back for it, cause I never had it. Not even before I started smoking.

"To not smoke means you care about what goes into your body, thus strengthening your level of consciousness."

Not true, cause in that case I would do more sporting. I'm most certainly not.

"The less toxins in your body means the less toxic thoughts you’re likely to have. Ignorance may be bliss, but it is also unattractive."

It doesn't make me happier and negative thoughts don't go away, cause they weren't really there (they are now tho; I've never been wanting more to hit people). And I never tried to be attractive, my personality is most likely gonna put you off anyway.

"It’s you who chooses boredom, to be awake or to relax."

I didn't choose boredom, I choose to spend some minutes with a cigarette instead of staring at my screen. I mean, it was really the same difference. You try working an office job. You wouldn't last a day.

I just want to forget about cigarettes, that would make life easier for me. I really don't need it, cause when I'm not reminded, I don't feel the need. I do feel the need, or fool myself I feel a need, when I see a cigarette.