James Leer

 It is safe to say I’m a dreamer. To me dreaming is not just a fun way of spending some of my time, it’s also a safe way of exploring social situations, of exploring new ideas, of exersizing my analysing of situations, people and ultimately myself. It’s a safe way of learning. Having said that, I’m aware it should not be the only way to do all that. And if I’m being honest, for me, it has also often been an escape from reality.

 I fantasized for as long as I can remember. When I was a young child, around 4 to 6, I had an imaginary friend named ‘Anders’. Reflecting on that, the name of my imaginary friend, tells you what I was grappling with at the time. In Dutch ‘anders’ means ‘different’. I was different from the other children I grew up with. Superficially that came down to me being adopted and being the only child in school with a brown complexion. On a deeper level, I had trouble relating to and connecting with the other children. I often played alone, not because the other children didn’t want to play with me, but because I felt more comfortable by myself. I did not engage much with other children, especially if they left me to my own devices.

 In an earlier post I wrote my next post would be about James Leer, and it wasn’t, though in my mind the last little post didn’t really count. I’ve been thinking about what I wanted to say about James Leer and couldn’t really find an angle that interested me. I had also forgotten why I decided to write a post about James Leer. It must have been something hidden deep inside me that already knew I needed to write this post. Yes, this post will be, partially, about James Leer.

 Let me first discuss the character of James Leer.

 James Leer is a character in the movie ‘Wonder boys’, which is based on a book with the same title written by Michael Chabon. The movie is about a professor, Grady Tripp played by Michael Douglas, who is a novelist and teaches creative writing at an University. One of his students is James Leer, played by Tobey.

 James is a enigmatic, brooding, quiet and dark character and Tripp’s best student. Nobody really knows anything about him and because of plot Tripp gets to spend some time with him. One of the first things we learn about James is that he’s a quick writer, because he comes up with his stories when he’s in bed and can’t sleep.

 This is my angle, because he sounds like a dreamer. I even dare to say he is making up stories when he’s not in bed trying to sleep, because he spins quite a few stories when Tripp asks about his life, like where he lives, or why he has a gun in his pocket. It doesn’t become clear why James doesn’t seem to be able to tell the truth and we never really get to know him. That’s for a great part, because the story is not about him, nor is it about what makes him tick. James is there to help kick start a process Tripp needs to go through. But there’s a story to James too.

 There are only a few things we can say for sure about James Leer: He’s the best writer in Grady Tripp’s class. He doesn’t connect, nor enage with any of the other students, except for with Hannah. And he constantly makes up lies and little stories, not just for his novels, but about his own life. To me it seems like a mechanism to keep people at arms length, a defense mechanism to avoid getting hurt perharps. However, he is very happy to stick to Tripp’s side when the story gets rolling. In the movie he even says: “I just wanted to stay with you for a little while.” We don't learn much about James, not just because he lies about his life all the time, but he needs some prodding to start talking at all, and then it's all "horseshit that leaves his mouth" as Tripp puts it.

 I suppose I relate to this character, not just for the obvious reason he tries to become a professional writer, but because of his relationship with the other students and because of his relationship with his professor. I also should admit to having lied about my personal situation to people. In 2008, for example, I was a mother of twins, two boys. I talked to other mothers about how my boys were doing. In another group, they never knew my real name and it took a little getting used to responding to ‘Noa’. As you can guess, I don’t have twin boys, I don’t even have children, nor is my name ‘Noa’.

 You could say James Leer held up a mirror for me, somewhat. My situation wasn’t exactly the same, nor was I ever as brave as James, nor did I ever manage to finish a novel. We both do like old music and old movies though, you know, the kind from the 40’s and 50’s. No, he was there to hold up the mirror to professor Grady Tripp and in the process it was made clear to me to get back to reality and to make some choices in my life, take charge.

I'm known for keeping people at arms length as well. In my case, you won't find out if you don't ask; the lying only happened in a brief period of my life, but yes it happened. Nor do I engage much with other people. I don't think I'm really known for my sunny disposition, but neither do people describe me as moody. Probably "scary" is more often used. I don't know. Not a 100% match, but still he pretty much held up a mirror for me.

It's only now sinking in, so this James Leer post was necessary. I need to kick this Tobey crush.

 By the way, the movie is about making choices. So....let's make some choices.