I’ve been a fangirl since my 12th. The first and only time it really happened to me. I was just a kiddywink. It’s been so long ago; I can’t even remember how I came across Take That. Yes, I was a Take That fan.
I was obsessed. On Thursdays, after school, I would walk into the bookshop were they also sold papers and magazines. Every week I picked up the latest issues of several teen magazines, as long Take That was in it, which they always were. I collected all the interviews and put them together in some maps. I collected all the posters and redecorated my whole bedroom with them. There was nowhere a piece of original wallpaper to be seen. I nearly literally breathed, ate, drank and slept Take That. I could also shower in Take That, I had the shampoo, but that would have been a waste. I drove my mom up the Take That decorated walls. In 1996 it suddenly ended to my horror and grief. The boys had decided to quit. Looking back, I was losing interest at that point and the blow wasn’t as hard as I always pretended it was. Not even my mom realized that.
A period of quiet and piece came. I can remember lying on the couch listening to the Spice Girls wondering if they could be my next big thing. They weren’t and I was getting bored. It was then I realized I was addicted to fandom. Not the “belonging to a group”, but the means to escape reality for a bit. Luckily for me, mankind had been making popular music for quite a while and somewhere between 1996 and 1998 I invested all my energy into the Beatles. What I remember from that is my family making fun of me by saying things like: “No need to worry, she’ll keep the fanclub going!” I also remember frequent trips to the library to pick up everything about them I could find. I didn’t throw any of that out. I should make good of that new ladder I bought and take my Beatles stuff down.
Then 1998 happened and I went to college. It was the year of the very first Big Brother series and Dutch popular music. Watching Big Brother happened by default, because I was part of the Dutch flog, and listening to a lot of Dutch languaged music also happened by default, because it seemed that was all they were playing. I found a new love, Acda & de Munnik. A duo normally touring the Dutch theatres, but this time having a big hit. They were really good. They are still really good, but out of fashion and about 15 years older. WOW! It’s really been that long? After that came Queen, then Monty Python, then Kiefer Sutherland, then Jude Cole, and eventually John Mayer and Jason Mraz which brings us in the period 2005-2010.
The reason I just wrote this lengthy introduction to my reply to Becky is, I wanted to point out that it was easy for me to jump (not the shark, what the hell does Doctor Who have to do with sharks!?!?!?) ship. Even in my most faithful period I was not only listening to Take That, I was also listening to East 17, their enemies (you know press). I never restricted myself to just one artist or band or group, I always wanted to see the rest as well. Pretty much like me now wanting to also read Cantara’s book (thanks for the link) and checking out Stephen’s flaws for myself by maybe reading his blog since that is as close I’ll ever get to having a window into a Gyllenhaal world. For me it’s not hard to break the habit because they are many, but because they facilitate an ideal.
I find your (nearly) last sentence funny and ironic: “I think it’s easier to break the habit when it’s just one celeb.”
My biggest love in all my fandoms must be Queen, because it was with that band I did most of my growing up. Where I ocassionally listen to them or watch or read stuff about them, I pretty much let go; I hardly write about them. More John and Jason, because they’re more recent and my adventures were more exciting, but I have no clue what they’re doing right now. While you seem to have difficulty to let go of Jake. I must admit, he’s hot!
Summary: It’s missing a facilitator that binds me to fandom.
Now you might wonder why I can’t dream about the boy next door, for instance. The reason is those celebs are easy to avoid meeting to ever getting to know them. I can attribute the flaws, the once I can deal or work with. I can decide how they will develop (or not). I can’t with real people. They’re real, out of my control and it’s slightly embarrassing to fantasize about people I personally know.
Yesterday I started reading Cantara's book. I just finished the Babygate chapter.
Thursday, February 28, 2013
Wednesday, February 27, 2013
Just Some Stupid Fact About My Stupid Blog...Behaviour
Did you know that the most posts in one month were actually posted in the shortest month? And that I also moved from MySpace to Blogger and back to MySpace and then back to Blogger? No? Oh well, now you know.
The First Time I Met Jason
First of all, I’m flattered you want to come back and read more and for coming here at all. In case you are serious, I have to warn you; I tend to ramble on in incoherent fashion and sometimes post blogs weeks/months/years old that don’t represent my opinion anymore. Also most of my blogs are about some sort of fandom, or it is me whinging about my life. Not necessarily interesting.
Then to reply and react to your reactions.
In your comment, which you left a few blogs ago, you said:
Yes, the first time was special. Not only because it was the first time, but also because Jason wasn’t that famous yet, nor did he behave like a famous prick yet. He was simply an American guy with a guitar who wanted to play some songs to us Dutchies. It was after his late afternoon concert in a sweaty little club name Rotown with restaurant attached to the back. Not to Jason’s back, to the club’s back. I mention this, because the restaurant played a big part in my first meeting with Jason.
I mentioned this evening in the “My Life as an Online Fangirl” blog. I was 25/26 and I had just met Fleur (25), fellow fan and liker of buns with tuna. We both felt we were too old and too cool to behave like fangirls, and Jason had to come to us if he wanted to meet us. It seemed Jason didn’t want to meet us and ignored us completely. How rude!
After the concert I decided I was going to stay a little longer to have diner in the restaurant and I invited Fleur to join me. Fleur, who was supposed to attend a birthday party, agreed. I’m guessing because Jason was seated in a lone corner of the restaurant instead of turning up on the birthday party. We sat down two tables apart from him. Fleur could see him easily, I had to turn my neck in an uncomfortable position which didn’t keep me from doing so every so often. Somehow between glare three and four I lost sight of Jason. He had moved from his table. Turning my head and neck back in a more natural position I found out, to my shock, that Jason was now practically sitting next to me.
Okay, don’t get too excited. He was not sitting at our table, he was sitting at the table next to ours and he was talking to two people and all I could see was his back. Sounds familiar? Also this is getting much longer than I anticipated. Never mind.
We, Fleur and I, still thinking we were too cool and old, ate our diner while staring at Jason’s back and exchanging glares which pretty much said: Now what!? Jason made up his mind and with that solved our problem of “Now what” by leaving the restaurant. Fleur and I finished our diner, debated if we should have a dessert, decided against it, because we figured Jason might be hanging around the area. Which he did. Closer even, than we thought. The moment we were about to leave the restaurant he came back into the restaurant. Fleur, in all her fangirlish behaviour and courage approached Jason telling him we were actually about to leave, but could she shake his hand? Jason agreed, extended hand, and then was engaged in a very frantic, three-handed handshake (Fleur provided the third hand) before she ran out of the door leaving me behind. Jason was now staring at me, hand extended. I’m actually very shy and choose that moment to execute my shyness and run out of words to say. So I grabbed his hand, shook it, spluttered something like “I’m with her” and then ran out of the door vaguely waving him goodbye.
That was the first time I met Jason. The second time was during the same evening and I was still with Fleur. Eventhough we decided we were too cool to behave like fangirls, it was during that particular evening I showed my most erratic and blatant stalking behaviour. After having left the restaurant Fleur and I made up excuses to go back in. After Jason didn’t approach us in the restaurant (How rude!!!) we left as well shortly after he left to see if he was hanging around on the street. I can even pretty much remember our conversation. Fleur was complaining we didn’t take our chances and I decided to try and comfort her by saying: “Maybe he’s hanging around on the street somewhere and we’ll walk into him.” To which she replied: “Yeah, there he is.” And yeah, there he was indeed. The second meeting was just as erratic and chaotic as the first one. Fleur went fan mad in a very 25 year old woman fashion, by rambling incomprehensibly and me, I didn’t say a word and neither did Jason.
After that evening every other meeting with Jason was boring and very typical and definitely not as exciting. It was meeting him with a bunch of other people. Asking autograph, Jason signing stuff, mumbling thank you, that’s it. No conversation, hardly any contact, nothing personal about it. To me, it felt empty. Also because in the end, Jason never remembered and I’m remembering less and less about it. Looking back, it all seems so far away, something from a different life. More important things have happened, and Jason never remembered me. I don’t mean to put you down, but yes, he was in some cases nicer to me than Jake was to you. Do I have something with Jason? No. I have something in my head, a memory and a deflated feeling, while Jason has no recollection of me at all. What did mean something to me and has given me a lot of joy and entertainment were his (Dutch) fans. We did wonderful crazy things, but that’s a story for another time.
Then to reply and react to your reactions.
In your comment, which you left a few blogs ago, you said:
“And I’m jealous! :) You got something with Jason that I never got with Jake, and I don’t know now if it would have made things better or worse had my situation worked out differently.”There’s no need to be jealous, cause in the end, I don’t have anything with Jason. Incidentally, or maybe not incidentally at all, I thought about me meeting him not long ago. I revisited every single time I met him, or I should really say: I revisited the times I specifically remember meeting him. I have a distinct feeling that I forgot about a few times, or maybe I dreamt it which is not unthinkable.
Yes, the first time was special. Not only because it was the first time, but also because Jason wasn’t that famous yet, nor did he behave like a famous prick yet. He was simply an American guy with a guitar who wanted to play some songs to us Dutchies. It was after his late afternoon concert in a sweaty little club name Rotown with restaurant attached to the back. Not to Jason’s back, to the club’s back. I mention this, because the restaurant played a big part in my first meeting with Jason.
I mentioned this evening in the “My Life as an Online Fangirl” blog. I was 25/26 and I had just met Fleur (25), fellow fan and liker of buns with tuna. We both felt we were too old and too cool to behave like fangirls, and Jason had to come to us if he wanted to meet us. It seemed Jason didn’t want to meet us and ignored us completely. How rude!
After the concert I decided I was going to stay a little longer to have diner in the restaurant and I invited Fleur to join me. Fleur, who was supposed to attend a birthday party, agreed. I’m guessing because Jason was seated in a lone corner of the restaurant instead of turning up on the birthday party. We sat down two tables apart from him. Fleur could see him easily, I had to turn my neck in an uncomfortable position which didn’t keep me from doing so every so often. Somehow between glare three and four I lost sight of Jason. He had moved from his table. Turning my head and neck back in a more natural position I found out, to my shock, that Jason was now practically sitting next to me.
Okay, don’t get too excited. He was not sitting at our table, he was sitting at the table next to ours and he was talking to two people and all I could see was his back. Sounds familiar? Also this is getting much longer than I anticipated. Never mind.
We, Fleur and I, still thinking we were too cool and old, ate our diner while staring at Jason’s back and exchanging glares which pretty much said: Now what!? Jason made up his mind and with that solved our problem of “Now what” by leaving the restaurant. Fleur and I finished our diner, debated if we should have a dessert, decided against it, because we figured Jason might be hanging around the area. Which he did. Closer even, than we thought. The moment we were about to leave the restaurant he came back into the restaurant. Fleur, in all her fangirlish behaviour and courage approached Jason telling him we were actually about to leave, but could she shake his hand? Jason agreed, extended hand, and then was engaged in a very frantic, three-handed handshake (Fleur provided the third hand) before she ran out of the door leaving me behind. Jason was now staring at me, hand extended. I’m actually very shy and choose that moment to execute my shyness and run out of words to say. So I grabbed his hand, shook it, spluttered something like “I’m with her” and then ran out of the door vaguely waving him goodbye.
That was the first time I met Jason. The second time was during the same evening and I was still with Fleur. Eventhough we decided we were too cool to behave like fangirls, it was during that particular evening I showed my most erratic and blatant stalking behaviour. After having left the restaurant Fleur and I made up excuses to go back in. After Jason didn’t approach us in the restaurant (How rude!!!) we left as well shortly after he left to see if he was hanging around on the street. I can even pretty much remember our conversation. Fleur was complaining we didn’t take our chances and I decided to try and comfort her by saying: “Maybe he’s hanging around on the street somewhere and we’ll walk into him.” To which she replied: “Yeah, there he is.” And yeah, there he was indeed. The second meeting was just as erratic and chaotic as the first one. Fleur went fan mad in a very 25 year old woman fashion, by rambling incomprehensibly and me, I didn’t say a word and neither did Jason.
After that evening every other meeting with Jason was boring and very typical and definitely not as exciting. It was meeting him with a bunch of other people. Asking autograph, Jason signing stuff, mumbling thank you, that’s it. No conversation, hardly any contact, nothing personal about it. To me, it felt empty. Also because in the end, Jason never remembered and I’m remembering less and less about it. Looking back, it all seems so far away, something from a different life. More important things have happened, and Jason never remembered me. I don’t mean to put you down, but yes, he was in some cases nicer to me than Jake was to you. Do I have something with Jason? No. I have something in my head, a memory and a deflated feeling, while Jason has no recollection of me at all. What did mean something to me and has given me a lot of joy and entertainment were his (Dutch) fans. We did wonderful crazy things, but that’s a story for another time.
Did I ever tell you about...
Did I ever tell you about the period in which both John and Jason moved from Myspace to blogger, then back to Myspace and then back to Blogger? And how both stopped blogging all together around, I don't know, 2011?
Yeah, let's not.
Still so glad Jake refuses to connect online. Do you think anyone would survive a whole blog full of Gyllenbabble? Actually, that could be an interesting experiment. It could be hilarious, or painful. Or hilariously painful.
Yeah, let's not.
Still so glad Jake refuses to connect online. Do you think anyone would survive a whole blog full of Gyllenbabble? Actually, that could be an interesting experiment. It could be hilarious, or painful. Or hilariously painful.
Preparation for Personal Development Conversation
Since I was a child, or more specifically since I could write, I’ve been writing short stories. Sometimes, or actually quite often, I only wrote a summary or a skeleton for a story and then left it at that. For school I also wrote a few short stories and I received a 9 for one of those stories which is the equivalent of an A. Another piece I wrote got me an 8 and the teacher, who was very strict, classified that as a “very good, with some exercise you could become a writer”. A 9 or 10 meant “You should be a writer”. Even though my Dutch teacher didn’t quite see a writer in me, I definitely had the highest grade in the class.
I never wanted to be a writer, because my parents taught me that it was not a proper job. I had to want to become something “normal”, like a teacher or a nurse. So I wanted to become a teacher, or a nurse. I didn’t act as if I really wanted to become a teacher or a nurse, and quite honestly, that was because I didn’t want to become a teacher nor a nurse. However, when I had to make a first choice, I still fooled myself into thinking I wanted to become a nurse. Even at the tender age of 12 I just wanted to write.
I wanted to write, but didn’t want to become a writer. I still don’t really, the prospect of having to think up thinks to write about scares the hell out of me. Writer’s block is a very real thing and I never wanted to have to battle that for the sake of making some money. So I made a sensible choice and studied information services and management and ended up in IT.
A lot of people think working in IT is not very creative. It might not be art, though I challenge you to defend that statement, but IT is as creative as one can become. Thinking up solutions for IT problems, or wishes from users requires quite a bit of knowledge of IT (What is possible? About everything!) and creativity. I thought I wanted to do something more creative. A colleague once told me that working in IT, in what we did, means you have a very creative job.There is never just one way to solve a problem and when you manage to come up with really inventive and creative solutions, the bit of software you want to deliver might exceed expectations. I also like to boast about how useful such piece of software can be if built, implemented and used propperly. Definitely more useful than a movie or a song. (After at least 2 years I’m still angry with Jason with feeling sorry for us office mongers. I’m sure I even blogged a very angry blob about that on this particular blobber…uh-blogger, blogspot.)
Thinking about it, you might think I get enough creative stimulance. Yes, well. At this moment I landed in a department where technical connections between applications are realized. They standardized the proces and products to come to a connection. That’s all very noble and wise for the sake of maintenance, but it also makes my job just that bit dull. I’m restricted to selecting or not selecting certain functional steps. To keep things simple there are only 5 functional steps and I have to decide, based on information I should get from our clients, which one to use and which one not to use. From that point on, it’s all pretty much the same for every connection.
I can get my kicks out of this job, because I have to meet and talk to so many people. That’s where the creativity lies in my job, getting the information and data I need to make a design. Still. I want to do something more creative. Something with which I can express myself. That’s my complaint. Yes, that’s why I’m polluting this part of the web with my never ceasing blabbering.
So that’s a bit of my day-to-day life. My job. That what I (I’m supposed to) do on a daily basis when the day is not Saturday or Sunday.
I never wanted to be a writer, because my parents taught me that it was not a proper job. I had to want to become something “normal”, like a teacher or a nurse. So I wanted to become a teacher, or a nurse. I didn’t act as if I really wanted to become a teacher or a nurse, and quite honestly, that was because I didn’t want to become a teacher nor a nurse. However, when I had to make a first choice, I still fooled myself into thinking I wanted to become a nurse. Even at the tender age of 12 I just wanted to write.
I wanted to write, but didn’t want to become a writer. I still don’t really, the prospect of having to think up thinks to write about scares the hell out of me. Writer’s block is a very real thing and I never wanted to have to battle that for the sake of making some money. So I made a sensible choice and studied information services and management and ended up in IT.
A lot of people think working in IT is not very creative. It might not be art, though I challenge you to defend that statement, but IT is as creative as one can become. Thinking up solutions for IT problems, or wishes from users requires quite a bit of knowledge of IT (What is possible? About everything!) and creativity. I thought I wanted to do something more creative. A colleague once told me that working in IT, in what we did, means you have a very creative job.There is never just one way to solve a problem and when you manage to come up with really inventive and creative solutions, the bit of software you want to deliver might exceed expectations. I also like to boast about how useful such piece of software can be if built, implemented and used propperly. Definitely more useful than a movie or a song. (After at least 2 years I’m still angry with Jason with feeling sorry for us office mongers. I’m sure I even blogged a very angry blob about that on this particular blobber…uh-blogger, blogspot.)
Thinking about it, you might think I get enough creative stimulance. Yes, well. At this moment I landed in a department where technical connections between applications are realized. They standardized the proces and products to come to a connection. That’s all very noble and wise for the sake of maintenance, but it also makes my job just that bit dull. I’m restricted to selecting or not selecting certain functional steps. To keep things simple there are only 5 functional steps and I have to decide, based on information I should get from our clients, which one to use and which one not to use. From that point on, it’s all pretty much the same for every connection.
What's grey I'm not going to use.
So that’s a bit of my day-to-day life. My job. That what I (I’m supposed to) do on a daily basis when the day is not Saturday or Sunday.
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
My Life as an Online Fangirl....or something
It’s not exactly the first time that (online) fandom has such a grip on me.
Finally I made a serious effort to read the book “I’m Stalking Jake!”. Yes, as expected, a lot of my own memories come to the surface while reading the book. However, I’m not as invested nor can I completely relate to her. The biggest differences between her and me is, she aimed much higher than me and therefore got more disappointed than me. She also took every rejection personal, which I never did, I just moved on. And she invested all her online fandom in Jake, I invested it in Jason. The latter means that I had not that much trouble meeting Jason, I did so several times. She had much more difficulty trying to meet Jake to only really see his back the first time.
I think on the whole, I was more down to earth about it though not less obsessed, and I was lucky. And everything I did Jason related was mainly for me to be entertained and for the fans. We never had any illusions Jason would stop by the forum or would recognize us at all. But that might have something to do with being down to earth Dutch people.
Another thought why Hollywood stars might be less in touch with the fans than popstars: Popstars look their fans in the eyes during their concerts, so to speak. When do filmstars ever really look their fans in the eye? Yes, only when they turn up at red carpets where the stars walk by, maybe autograph some stuff, but that all lasts as much as 3 seconds. A concert lasts at least an hour.
But all those thoughts aside, fandom had me in its grip again. The above three paragraphs I wrote about a week ago. By now I’ve finished reading the book and I’m trying to find Cantara Christopher’s book, the once publicist for Stephen’s poetry, to read her side of the story. I suppose I also have to start reading Stephen Gyllenhaal’s blog to get as rounded an idea as possible. You have no idea how happy I am Jake doesn’t do public online communication at all.
Certain things about your idols you don’t want to find out. For me it was discovering their actual flaws, cause they actually put me off unlike the flaws I entitled to them. That happened in cases of John Mayer (confused rock brat with no idea about healthy relationships), Jason Mraz (idiot idealist with no idea about healthy relationships) and Jake obviously (disconnected and emotionally confused movie actor brat with no idea about healthy relationships). I’m starting to see a pattern, now I’m worried. Believe it or not, but this last paragraph and self-knowledge just made me laugh and I can inform you it was not the “no idea about healthy ralationships” flaw that put me off, or is/was it.
But I didn’t intend to write about them, I intended to write about fandom, or more accurately, about my reaction to fandom.
I remember reeling with excitement when a picture of John and Jason together appeared online. Two of my idols in one not-photoshopped picture; WOW! I remember arguing, no, fighting with certain RKOP (Jason Mraz’ official forum) members. In both cases I was well shaken up and decided to lie down work, as if I was actually working, to take a long walk through the office, from my workstation to the canteen and back. In some cases I would calm down enough to crouch back behind the PC, in other cases I was still shaking when I left the building to go home.
Becky Heineke the author of the book “I’m Stalking Jake” and co-writer of the blog Jakewatch wrote a reaction to Cantara’s book. I read the blog. I also read some of the comments and mainly Becky’s reaction to their comments. In one such reply she wrote the following:
That’s exactly how I felt reading her book, or Cantara’s accounts, eventhough for me it’s less personal. The in coherent rambling from above is the result after a long walk through my office building, from my workstation to the canteen and back. A new era is starting, concerning that we’re beautifully living up to the Maya’s predictions. Looking back, it was an absolutely ridiculous and crazy ride, but I’m glad I took it. Now I arrived at a point where I actually really believe, unlike 6/7 years ago, that I’m getting too old to behave like a fangirl.
Back when I was 25/26 I was telling myself and some choice colleague fans, that I was too old to behave like a fangirl. That resulted in us waiting behind instead of approaching him; we were surprisingly lucky to meet and talk to Jason twice that evening. It also resulted in us (different fan) not waiting in line anymore, but instead go “sampling” the local dishes and arrive about 5 seconds in the venue, 5th row from the stage, before Jason climbed on stage. We had the most fun in both cases.
These days however, I leave the hotel late because I don’t necessarily feel like leaving early in hopes to catch a glimps of my idol. Neither do I stay behind with the same hopes, I don’t even search for the artist’s entrance or backdoor; I go straight back to the hotel or home. What I don’t do anymore either is going on forums to talk about concerts months before the concert, or waiting impatiently online to get tickets. Nor do I discuss meeting places, let alone meeting online acquired friends.
Strangely I miss it and I don’t. When a feeling of “miss” goes through my head I try to figure out what changed, what I’m doing differently. When I figured out what I’m doing differently I realize that I don’t want to do it the old way anymore and I immediately stop missing my old fandom days and yet I miss it. Funny, eh?
Finally I made a serious effort to read the book “I’m Stalking Jake!”. Yes, as expected, a lot of my own memories come to the surface while reading the book. However, I’m not as invested nor can I completely relate to her. The biggest differences between her and me is, she aimed much higher than me and therefore got more disappointed than me. She also took every rejection personal, which I never did, I just moved on. And she invested all her online fandom in Jake, I invested it in Jason. The latter means that I had not that much trouble meeting Jason, I did so several times. She had much more difficulty trying to meet Jake to only really see his back the first time.
I think on the whole, I was more down to earth about it though not less obsessed, and I was lucky. And everything I did Jason related was mainly for me to be entertained and for the fans. We never had any illusions Jason would stop by the forum or would recognize us at all. But that might have something to do with being down to earth Dutch people.
Another thought why Hollywood stars might be less in touch with the fans than popstars: Popstars look their fans in the eyes during their concerts, so to speak. When do filmstars ever really look their fans in the eye? Yes, only when they turn up at red carpets where the stars walk by, maybe autograph some stuff, but that all lasts as much as 3 seconds. A concert lasts at least an hour.
But all those thoughts aside, fandom had me in its grip again. The above three paragraphs I wrote about a week ago. By now I’ve finished reading the book and I’m trying to find Cantara Christopher’s book, the once publicist for Stephen’s poetry, to read her side of the story. I suppose I also have to start reading Stephen Gyllenhaal’s blog to get as rounded an idea as possible. You have no idea how happy I am Jake doesn’t do public online communication at all.
Certain things about your idols you don’t want to find out. For me it was discovering their actual flaws, cause they actually put me off unlike the flaws I entitled to them. That happened in cases of John Mayer (confused rock brat with no idea about healthy relationships), Jason Mraz (idiot idealist with no idea about healthy relationships) and Jake obviously (disconnected and emotionally confused movie actor brat with no idea about healthy relationships). I’m starting to see a pattern, now I’m worried. Believe it or not, but this last paragraph and self-knowledge just made me laugh and I can inform you it was not the “no idea about healthy ralationships” flaw that put me off, or is/was it.
I remember reeling with excitement when a picture of John and Jason together appeared online. Two of my idols in one not-photoshopped picture; WOW! I remember arguing, no, fighting with certain RKOP (Jason Mraz’ official forum) members. In both cases I was well shaken up and decided to lie down work, as if I was actually working, to take a long walk through the office, from my workstation to the canteen and back. In some cases I would calm down enough to crouch back behind the PC, in other cases I was still shaking when I left the building to go home.
Becky Heineke the author of the book “I’m Stalking Jake” and co-writer of the blog Jakewatch wrote a reaction to Cantara’s book. I read the blog. I also read some of the comments and mainly Becky’s reaction to their comments. In one such reply she wrote the following:
This is a hard one to respond to! I had a lot of mixed emotions while I read...mostly in terms of digging up past emotions.
That’s exactly how I felt reading her book, or Cantara’s accounts, eventhough for me it’s less personal. The in coherent rambling from above is the result after a long walk through my office building, from my workstation to the canteen and back. A new era is starting, concerning that we’re beautifully living up to the Maya’s predictions. Looking back, it was an absolutely ridiculous and crazy ride, but I’m glad I took it. Now I arrived at a point where I actually really believe, unlike 6/7 years ago, that I’m getting too old to behave like a fangirl.
Back when I was 25/26 I was telling myself and some choice colleague fans, that I was too old to behave like a fangirl. That resulted in us waiting behind instead of approaching him; we were surprisingly lucky to meet and talk to Jason twice that evening. It also resulted in us (different fan) not waiting in line anymore, but instead go “sampling” the local dishes and arrive about 5 seconds in the venue, 5th row from the stage, before Jason climbed on stage. We had the most fun in both cases.
These days however, I leave the hotel late because I don’t necessarily feel like leaving early in hopes to catch a glimps of my idol. Neither do I stay behind with the same hopes, I don’t even search for the artist’s entrance or backdoor; I go straight back to the hotel or home. What I don’t do anymore either is going on forums to talk about concerts months before the concert, or waiting impatiently online to get tickets. Nor do I discuss meeting places, let alone meeting online acquired friends.
Strangely I miss it and I don’t. When a feeling of “miss” goes through my head I try to figure out what changed, what I’m doing differently. When I figured out what I’m doing differently I realize that I don’t want to do it the old way anymore and I immediately stop missing my old fandom days and yet I miss it. Funny, eh?
Friday, February 15, 2013
Me, Jake Gyllenhaal fan? No!!!
Today I was asked if I am a Jake Gyllenhaal fan. I answered no. Then I was informed Love & Other Drugs was on yesterday, to which I replied that the film is crap.
Oh well, I suppose they're on to me.
Oh well, I suppose they're on to me.
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