This blog got a stupid title, but it pretty much sums up the themes in my life.
I do remember (vaguely) blogging something about my adoption. Apparently, today is the day to elaborate about it.
Read to understand a bit of my inspiration for this blog the blog below:
jasonmraz blog: four leaves left
I was adopted when I was 2 months old. I was one of the lucky ones to get offered an easier life with way more oppertunities. And since I was only a baby not understanding what it meant, nor understanding it was happening, it were my biological mother and my adoption parents who grabbed that chance for me. I'm glad they did, cause I would never have been where I am now if I had not been given that chance, nor when the chance was grabbed for me. Therefore, I can't be anything else than incredibly grateful, which I absolutely am. I'm aware of this luck of having the oppertunity to live the way I want, and I'm always grateful for that. Even when I'm moody and being annoyed by people without any sense of social awareness.
I grew up in a loving family. I grew up learning the value of love and respect and total commitment. I can't say anything else than that was what I got. I am even grateful for my dad's illness (he was a MS patient), even though it sucked. It tought me to be grateful for the things I have and for the things I am able of doing. Even as of today, all I need is a roof over my head and food. All other stuff is a bonus. I even never turn on the heating; I'll wear an extra sweater. I'll be fine.
When I was about 12 or something, I found a four-leaf clover. I think I lost, but I kept a substitute with the picture of my parents. Two young people in the frame of light let through by the window they were standing in. It's beautiful. And even though I lost the four-leaf clover, it's still with me in my mind. I remember the miracle of finding it. I wasn't even looking for one. I was walking over a field; I just finished working (picking blueberries). I was walking to my bike to drive home when I looked down and saw the four-leaf clover. I couldn't believe my eyes. The leaf didn't present the superstition of luck, it represented my luck. It reminded me of how lucky I had been already and that I didn't even really need an extra charm of luck. I was born with luck.
For a few months I have been thinking of getting me a tattoo to forever remind myself of all the luck I always seem to have. I already found some designs and I have images in my head of how I want it. I should just go for it.
Okay, so this piece seems a little going everywhere. It wasn't really inspiration to write, rather to remember and feel. Still, I wanted to let the world know how lucky I feel and how grateful I am for it.
I was also born a sunday child.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
The Elitists
In the past I accused people of elitist’s behavior. I saw the slaughter of new members (newbies or noobs or even more popular: n00bs), because they didn’t live up to unwritten rules of speech and behavior. Easily the older members attacked them for not knowing nor living by those unwritten rules. It seemed unfair to me, which is was, so I fought my battle for the ones who didn’t dare to speak up, or were too weak to defend themselves. These days belong to my past.
First I joined the Dutch equivalent of that community and later I even quite visiting the American (official) community. With that, a new era started.
Now, about 2 years since I joined the Dutch community and about 6 months since I left the American community, I realized something.
The Dutch community, young and innocent and still searching for its identity at the end of 2007 when the forum was born, grew into its own. As of today we count 400 members and a shitload (there goes the classy tone of this blog) of posts.
We had some falling outs, though never as hard and tough as the ones on the American community (watch me dodging the term ‘official’). Still, we are a group of people, members if you will, with our own book of unwritten rules. We do measure new members to these rules and we won’t cut you any slack. As a matter of fact, if you don’t get through the tests, you won’t ever be a real part of us.
I consciously described it as harsh as I did. We’re actually quite a nice group of people with not that tight of rules as the ones on RKOP. Fact is, not everyone will feel right at home. Fact is also that we defend our unwritten rules whenever we see fit. We’re everything a normal, real life, European community would be; kind and welcoming, but judging and kind of liberal.
First I joined the Dutch equivalent of that community and later I even quite visiting the American (official) community. With that, a new era started.
Now, about 2 years since I joined the Dutch community and about 6 months since I left the American community, I realized something.
The Dutch community, young and innocent and still searching for its identity at the end of 2007 when the forum was born, grew into its own. As of today we count 400 members and a shitload (there goes the classy tone of this blog) of posts.
We had some falling outs, though never as hard and tough as the ones on the American community (watch me dodging the term ‘official’). Still, we are a group of people, members if you will, with our own book of unwritten rules. We do measure new members to these rules and we won’t cut you any slack. As a matter of fact, if you don’t get through the tests, you won’t ever be a real part of us.
I consciously described it as harsh as I did. We’re actually quite a nice group of people with not that tight of rules as the ones on RKOP. Fact is, not everyone will feel right at home. Fact is also that we defend our unwritten rules whenever we see fit. We’re everything a normal, real life, European community would be; kind and welcoming, but judging and kind of liberal.
Monday, September 28, 2009
Fans vs Lovers
Today we had a discussion on the Dutch forum. One girl asked why we critized Jason all the time. That it seemed like we were no real fans. I was glad to see most people regarded our fandom of Jason the same way as I did; We're in it for the music. The girl couldn't understand how we don't like certain things of Jason or the things he does or says, or the music he chooses to play. She couldn't understand that it was possible to not like the person Jason Mraz, but like the music he puts out.
Than I realized I couldn't understand how you can dismiss music solely based on a person's personality. To me, those are two completely different things which have only remotely to do with each other. I even dare to say that the quality of the music has nothing to do with his personality. So why would I judge the music based on the person who created it? That's simply not fair.
I think she forgot that a lot of us know more of Jason than he has put out the last two years. A lot of us fell in love with him pre I'm Yours. I hate to draw that line, but it's that line where things started to change. Jason used to put out more serious stuff, heavier stuff. Stuff that took some time to dawn and find a place in your heart. A lot of that stuff still is my favourite Jason Mraz music. I love Jason for his honesty and his passion. Cause eventho his directions have changed, he still does everything with a passion and an honesty which is rare. I love that about him, not the direction he choose to take.
The direction he choose to take is simply not my direction, and sometimes I even wonder that is the direction he should have chosen. Sometimes he really annoys me. Sometimes I simply don't care. Truth is, he's not on the same path as I am anymore. I won't be the one telling him to do things in a different way, but I won't keep my mouth shut either. He's got the right to blog about whatever he wants to, and I've got the right to say my say about it; whether be it agreeing or disagreeing.
The music he chooses to play is another subject. Some of that music reflects his personal state of mind. I can put up with some of it, but only in a small quantity. I just don't understand why I have to like everything he does. I just don't understand why I just can't enjoy the songs I do like without having to think of which president he's supporting today. Wasn't music supposed to bring people closer anyway? Wasn't music the instrument to forget about the things that make us different and remind us what we have in common? What Jason and I have in common is that we both love certain music. Let us just enjoy that without limiting each other in thought and speech.
Credit where credit is due.
Thank you.
Than I realized I couldn't understand how you can dismiss music solely based on a person's personality. To me, those are two completely different things which have only remotely to do with each other. I even dare to say that the quality of the music has nothing to do with his personality. So why would I judge the music based on the person who created it? That's simply not fair.
I think she forgot that a lot of us know more of Jason than he has put out the last two years. A lot of us fell in love with him pre I'm Yours. I hate to draw that line, but it's that line where things started to change. Jason used to put out more serious stuff, heavier stuff. Stuff that took some time to dawn and find a place in your heart. A lot of that stuff still is my favourite Jason Mraz music. I love Jason for his honesty and his passion. Cause eventho his directions have changed, he still does everything with a passion and an honesty which is rare. I love that about him, not the direction he choose to take.
The direction he choose to take is simply not my direction, and sometimes I even wonder that is the direction he should have chosen. Sometimes he really annoys me. Sometimes I simply don't care. Truth is, he's not on the same path as I am anymore. I won't be the one telling him to do things in a different way, but I won't keep my mouth shut either. He's got the right to blog about whatever he wants to, and I've got the right to say my say about it; whether be it agreeing or disagreeing.
The music he chooses to play is another subject. Some of that music reflects his personal state of mind. I can put up with some of it, but only in a small quantity. I just don't understand why I have to like everything he does. I just don't understand why I just can't enjoy the songs I do like without having to think of which president he's supporting today. Wasn't music supposed to bring people closer anyway? Wasn't music the instrument to forget about the things that make us different and remind us what we have in common? What Jason and I have in common is that we both love certain music. Let us just enjoy that without limiting each other in thought and speech.
Credit where credit is due.
Thank you.
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Persistendly Stupid
I just read Jason Mraz's latest blog: freshnessfactorfivethousand.
He's persistendly annoying me. The fact he decided it was time to preach to smokers to stop smoking didn't help.
I stopped smoking a few months ago, and to be honest, I've not been very happy. Never has smoking been much of a problem to me; I just simply didn't care. The only difference is; I quit smoking. The fact that I really don't care didn't change. So every time someone's smoking or talking about smoking, I feel like crying. I never had that during my smoking time. I've been thinking a lot of times; "Gimme a cigarette, cause I really don't care and I want to go for that little moment of self fooled relax time." I never asked for a cigarette and I never gave in when people around me where smoking. I've been dreaming about smoking quite often; I never had that before either. So, so far, life got a little suckier.
I'd like to react on a few things he blogged:
"I smoked for 10 years so I know how much fear and insecurity is wrapped up in it."
No fear, just curiosity. No insecurity, cause I know I don't really need it. I really did it for that little moment, no matter how hard it fucked me. I'll fuck myself anyway.
"I also know how scary it is when you think about quitting. You might think life is gonna suck, that you’ll gain weight, or be depressed. But the fact is, if you keep smoking, you will always be out of shape and depression will be more common."
The worst thing about it is; I probably won't get much refreshed energy back for it, cause I never had it. Not even before I started smoking.
"To not smoke means you care about what goes into your body, thus strengthening your level of consciousness."
Not true, cause in that case I would do more sporting. I'm most certainly not.
"The less toxins in your body means the less toxic thoughts you’re likely to have. Ignorance may be bliss, but it is also unattractive."
It doesn't make me happier and negative thoughts don't go away, cause they weren't really there (they are now tho; I've never been wanting more to hit people). And I never tried to be attractive, my personality is most likely gonna put you off anyway.
"It’s you who chooses boredom, to be awake or to relax."
I didn't choose boredom, I choose to spend some minutes with a cigarette instead of staring at my screen. I mean, it was really the same difference. You try working an office job. You wouldn't last a day.
I just want to forget about cigarettes, that would make life easier for me. I really don't need it, cause when I'm not reminded, I don't feel the need. I do feel the need, or fool myself I feel a need, when I see a cigarette.
He's persistendly annoying me. The fact he decided it was time to preach to smokers to stop smoking didn't help.
I stopped smoking a few months ago, and to be honest, I've not been very happy. Never has smoking been much of a problem to me; I just simply didn't care. The only difference is; I quit smoking. The fact that I really don't care didn't change. So every time someone's smoking or talking about smoking, I feel like crying. I never had that during my smoking time. I've been thinking a lot of times; "Gimme a cigarette, cause I really don't care and I want to go for that little moment of self fooled relax time." I never asked for a cigarette and I never gave in when people around me where smoking. I've been dreaming about smoking quite often; I never had that before either. So, so far, life got a little suckier.
I'd like to react on a few things he blogged:
"I smoked for 10 years so I know how much fear and insecurity is wrapped up in it."
No fear, just curiosity. No insecurity, cause I know I don't really need it. I really did it for that little moment, no matter how hard it fucked me. I'll fuck myself anyway.
"I also know how scary it is when you think about quitting. You might think life is gonna suck, that you’ll gain weight, or be depressed. But the fact is, if you keep smoking, you will always be out of shape and depression will be more common."
The worst thing about it is; I probably won't get much refreshed energy back for it, cause I never had it. Not even before I started smoking.
"To not smoke means you care about what goes into your body, thus strengthening your level of consciousness."
Not true, cause in that case I would do more sporting. I'm most certainly not.
"The less toxins in your body means the less toxic thoughts you’re likely to have. Ignorance may be bliss, but it is also unattractive."
It doesn't make me happier and negative thoughts don't go away, cause they weren't really there (they are now tho; I've never been wanting more to hit people). And I never tried to be attractive, my personality is most likely gonna put you off anyway.
"It’s you who chooses boredom, to be awake or to relax."
I didn't choose boredom, I choose to spend some minutes with a cigarette instead of staring at my screen. I mean, it was really the same difference. You try working an office job. You wouldn't last a day.
I just want to forget about cigarettes, that would make life easier for me. I really don't need it, cause when I'm not reminded, I don't feel the need. I do feel the need, or fool myself I feel a need, when I see a cigarette.
Saturday, September 12, 2009
Facts: Update on my Journy Through Life
And here's the moment you all have been waiting for (obviously to my 4 readers who might just as well have missed the previous update lists).
- A bit more than 2 1/5 years have passed and now I have 4 readers of which 2 notified my on the Dutch forum and 2 actually leave comments. I thank you very much.
- Like I always promised myself and others, I won't delete old posts. This leaves me just not mentioning RKOP nor MSM anymore. The last couple of months without have been a blessing, though I miss talking to certain people. (Most respect earned over the years: Emmy. Always respected and loved: Holly. Hilary, also respected; I hope to hear from you.)
- The new soundboxes (which are now about 2 years old) have an annoying blue light when turned on.
- DVD player / Mediaplayer and me are very close. Emile, thnx for the downloads of old shows; they rock, literally.
- Dennis Morris will be forever in my head when typing updates. And he is accompanied by Charlie Mingronie (Is that how you spell his last name?).
- During my holiday, I forgot about my blogspot and when I remembered, I was too lazy to post. Let's call it a lack of inspiration.
- Bathroom needs remodelling. The towel hangers have been discussed and will be replaced. When? We don't know.
- I got up around 8.00 am to Farmville and then went back to bed, cause 8.00 am hurt my head.
- There was no need to go to work today, but will go coming monday. And you guess it, it'll take me 1 hour to get there.
- I reviewed my passed two years using my review from a couple of years ago which I recycled as well...and...
- I'm wrote a completely new review. However, I used the old list to keep the tradition going. Because I needed to update the points and add some new ones.
- Jason Mraz is increasingly annoying me.
- My love for John Mayer is back in big volumes.
- RKOP and PORK are still worrying me. MSM does not worry me.
Monday, August 10, 2009
habits, addictions...what's in a name?
I made a mistake by posting on RKOP today. I choose to remove my post, but for the peace of me repost it here:
I also dreamt I smoked....
U2BELOVE, everybody on here thinks we need to enlighten each other, so don't take that personally.
I'm just here to jump on the bandwagon and add my own, special opinion on the case and then disappear again. No matter what or who Jason is; that was simply a shitty response. Sure, it's true no-one is always 100% cool and great, but it's no excuse to draw a curtain and shut someone out, but it is a good reason to forgive Jason for that, since he probably didn't mean to hurt anyone's feelings. As for missing out on meeting him? I'm sorry, but you gonna have to get over it. It's just not gonna happen that quick anymore and really, Jason might be a cool guy, but this world is loaded with cool guys; Jason is not the only one. Honestly, he's not more special than most guys, he just happens to have a very visible and audible talent. My boyfriend is freaking talented...in programming and connecting with people, but he not even half get all the attention Jason got. Just let Jason be; the idea of who Jason is, exists only in your head anyway.
You can now move on.
Will the drama ever stop? Meout.
I also dreamt I smoked....
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
John Mayer vs Jason Mraz
The updated comparison
The polls still pop up. Usually John wins, because he's the most famous and got the most fans. So, how would the results be if it was entirely up to me?
Points can be earned in 3 categories:
· Talents: Playing & Singing (1 point);
· Their Songs (2 points; each sub category 1 point):
- Musical;
- Lyrics;
· Personality & Publicity (2 points; each sub category 1 point):
- Personality;
- Publicity.
There's a total of 5 points to be earned. The one earning the most points out of 5 wins.
Jason Mraz is an amazing vocalist, but his guitar playing is not impressive. I usually got the feeling the guitar really only is a tool to back his vocals up, so he doesn't try too hard to evolve in that area.
Still, I have to reward 1 point to Jason, cause Jason's guitar playing is bearable where John's singing sometimes really isn't.
Jason 1 versus John 0.
John Mayer is more developed in a greater variety of sounds. He also tends to be edgier, but usually it only lasts for a few songs per period. He has written a few songs which are incredibly good in quality; I dare to say these are timeless. Unfortunately, he also writes quite a few songs which disappear easily.
Jason Mraz tries on a great variety of musical styles, but tends to get stuck at the simple (sounding) love songs and happy tunes. Especially a lot of his new songs sound alike. Jason can be a really fun songwriter and takes you to a party, but the songs don't last. Sometimes he's edgy, but usually the edginess of it is superficial and underneath lies another happy (love) tune.
I have to chose quality over quantity; John gets this point.
Jason 1 versus John 1.
Lyrics
John wrote some of my all time favourite lyrics; really clever ones in which just anyone could find something they understand and love.
Jason wrote some clever lyrics. The difference lies in where the lyrics are clever; where John writes stuff anyone can relate too, Jason can describe one situation in 100 different ways, making it sound poetic. He even manages to give double meanings to sentences or make seemingly meaningless sentences mean something really grand.
Still I'm going to have to give John the point, because I find myself relating more to his lyrics than to Jason's. Tough choice though, because I really admire the way Jason can play tricks with words and make his message come across.
Jason 1 versus John 2.
John Mayer dated Jennifer Love Hewitt, Jessica Simpson and Jennifer Aniston; all ladies in brighter spotlights than he is. His tendency to date those women gives the suspicion he dates them for the benefit of his career; for the attention. Obviously, that's a big No-No.
John is able to deal with the press well, but regularly fails, because the press takes the liberty to misunderstand. I'm pretty sure John hates certain aspects of the image the press made of him.
Jason Mraz hardly is in the publicity. Whenever he is, it's because he released an album, a single or a book of pictures, or he gives a concert. There's no news, not even gossip about who his new love interest might be. He's only seen in briefs and with a big ass knife, because he posted it himself on his blog. So tongue in cheek, it was obvious this was worth a buzz, not a rumour. Jason handles everything he puts out into the open, and especially to the press, so well and smart, there's nothing that could be turned and twisted into a rumour. Jason already took the edge off for you or handed it to you edgier than you can pass it on to anyone else.
Obviously, one point to Jason for knowing how to deal with people and especially with the press.
Jason 2 versus John 2.
Personality
John is a weird guy with a wicked kind of sense of humour. He's often misunderstood, because he tends to express himself a little too strong or chooses the wrong words. John is an attention seeking guy, somehow. Even though he makes a lot of social mistakes, he's not dumb; on the contrary, I believe he's actually pretty smart. John understands his own choices and he's aware of his social awkwardness. John doesn't follow without understanding, but thinks for himself.
Jason is a bit of a follower; he's an eternal victim of fashion. But because he is, he understands completely why people do certain things and what they're trying to do, and he's smart enough to tap in on it. Beside that, Jason is very passionate about his latest choice of fashion and other people see and feel that and want to feel the same way as Jason does. Even though I hate how he follows without completely understanding, I love how passionate he is about it and how he brings that passion on to others even though it leads others into doing stupid things. His not completely understanding, however, is a big No-No.
Half a point to John Mayer for being nothing but himself and the other half to Jason Mraz for inspiring people to do the right things and being passionate about it.
Jason 2 1/2 versus John 2 1/2.
In my opinion, neither is better than the other. They both got their talents and use them well. They both got their personality issues, but who doesn't? I love them both for doing what they do in their own way. I love how they believe in their ways and how passionate they are about it. And of course, I love their music; I am a fan after all.
The polls still pop up. Usually John wins, because he's the most famous and got the most fans. So, how would the results be if it was entirely up to me?
Points can be earned in 3 categories:
· Talents: Playing & Singing (1 point);
· Their Songs (2 points; each sub category 1 point):
- Musical;
- Lyrics;
· Personality & Publicity (2 points; each sub category 1 point):
- Personality;
- Publicity.
There's a total of 5 points to be earned. The one earning the most points out of 5 wins.
TalentsPlaying & SingingJohn Mayer is amazing on guitar, but tends to suck at singing. He tries and sometimes he surprises me, but usually not so much.
Jason Mraz is an amazing vocalist, but his guitar playing is not impressive. I usually got the feeling the guitar really only is a tool to back his vocals up, so he doesn't try too hard to evolve in that area.
Still, I have to reward 1 point to Jason, cause Jason's guitar playing is bearable where John's singing sometimes really isn't.
Jason 1 versus John 0.
Their SongsMusical
John Mayer is more developed in a greater variety of sounds. He also tends to be edgier, but usually it only lasts for a few songs per period. He has written a few songs which are incredibly good in quality; I dare to say these are timeless. Unfortunately, he also writes quite a few songs which disappear easily.
Jason Mraz tries on a great variety of musical styles, but tends to get stuck at the simple (sounding) love songs and happy tunes. Especially a lot of his new songs sound alike. Jason can be a really fun songwriter and takes you to a party, but the songs don't last. Sometimes he's edgy, but usually the edginess of it is superficial and underneath lies another happy (love) tune.
I have to chose quality over quantity; John gets this point.
Jason 1 versus John 1.
Lyrics
John wrote some of my all time favourite lyrics; really clever ones in which just anyone could find something they understand and love.
Jason wrote some clever lyrics. The difference lies in where the lyrics are clever; where John writes stuff anyone can relate too, Jason can describe one situation in 100 different ways, making it sound poetic. He even manages to give double meanings to sentences or make seemingly meaningless sentences mean something really grand.
Still I'm going to have to give John the point, because I find myself relating more to his lyrics than to Jason's. Tough choice though, because I really admire the way Jason can play tricks with words and make his message come across.
Jason 1 versus John 2.
Personality and PublicityPublicity
John Mayer dated Jennifer Love Hewitt, Jessica Simpson and Jennifer Aniston; all ladies in brighter spotlights than he is. His tendency to date those women gives the suspicion he dates them for the benefit of his career; for the attention. Obviously, that's a big No-No.
John is able to deal with the press well, but regularly fails, because the press takes the liberty to misunderstand. I'm pretty sure John hates certain aspects of the image the press made of him.
Jason Mraz hardly is in the publicity. Whenever he is, it's because he released an album, a single or a book of pictures, or he gives a concert. There's no news, not even gossip about who his new love interest might be. He's only seen in briefs and with a big ass knife, because he posted it himself on his blog. So tongue in cheek, it was obvious this was worth a buzz, not a rumour. Jason handles everything he puts out into the open, and especially to the press, so well and smart, there's nothing that could be turned and twisted into a rumour. Jason already took the edge off for you or handed it to you edgier than you can pass it on to anyone else.
Obviously, one point to Jason for knowing how to deal with people and especially with the press.
Jason 2 versus John 2.
Personality
John is a weird guy with a wicked kind of sense of humour. He's often misunderstood, because he tends to express himself a little too strong or chooses the wrong words. John is an attention seeking guy, somehow. Even though he makes a lot of social mistakes, he's not dumb; on the contrary, I believe he's actually pretty smart. John understands his own choices and he's aware of his social awkwardness. John doesn't follow without understanding, but thinks for himself.
Jason is a bit of a follower; he's an eternal victim of fashion. But because he is, he understands completely why people do certain things and what they're trying to do, and he's smart enough to tap in on it. Beside that, Jason is very passionate about his latest choice of fashion and other people see and feel that and want to feel the same way as Jason does. Even though I hate how he follows without completely understanding, I love how passionate he is about it and how he brings that passion on to others even though it leads others into doing stupid things. His not completely understanding, however, is a big No-No.
Half a point to John Mayer for being nothing but himself and the other half to Jason Mraz for inspiring people to do the right things and being passionate about it.
Jason 2 1/2 versus John 2 1/2.
So, who wins?I don't know.
In my opinion, neither is better than the other. They both got their talents and use them well. They both got their personality issues, but who doesn't? I love them both for doing what they do in their own way. I love how they believe in their ways and how passionate they are about it. And of course, I love their music; I am a fan after all.
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