Not So Sharp

Not so sharp.


These days I seem to start every post with just one little sentence. It was just the first thing that gravitated in my head and from which other ideas and a need to explain sprouted. Blah blah blah….

Anyway…

Not so sharp.

When I was younger I didn’t have much trouble getting by in primary school. I wasn’t the smartest person in the class, definitely not, but I wasn’t the dumbest either. My school career was far from smooth; I didn’t go to the next year twice. That was down to me being too shy and too lazy. I was incredibly lonely and bored at school.

Several tests pointed out I’ve got a very average intelligence. Usually I score around 106. That sounds about right to me.

Over time I noticed an interesting development on the workfloor. I gravitate towards the best performing and/or the most intelligent person on the floor. I even manage to build up a very close bond with them.

It started in collega where I met Tessa. She was very intelligent, way more than me, and a bit of an alien. Then there is Thomas with whom I did a project at the Ministry of Justice. Together we executed the rest of the project, did the designs, did the communication with all departments, did some maintenance and started up new little projects. In my current job I met Saskia. Also very intelligent, way more than me and still maintaining the relationship. And I recently started dating the guy who literally got an applause when he returned to our department after having worked hard to get some software working. Some people have been sweating profusely over the weekend about the now solved issue (might have been the summer heat, but also very much the issue that badly needed solving).

The last one inspired me to write this. He might read this. Strangely embarrassing.

Anyway, not so sharp.

I'm not that clever. I often wish I was sharper. Sometimes in my private life, increasingly more since I date him, and often in my work. Other people say I'm sharp enough, I think I can be sharper. I don't except less than as perfect as I can, and I know when I can give more. I also definitely know when I'm slacking. At all times, I try to make the documentations I write as perfect as possible. The art is knowing when to give up and hand it over.

I'm not perfect. I'm not supper intelligent. I don't think I'm very sharp. The heads up's are nice.

Now, what labels to apply? I think I'll go for none.