If Eels Could Fly

Attempts to order my thoughts have not been successful. I’ve been juggling my thoughts, dreams and ideas for several months now.

I made a promise to think and blog about ‘Happiness’. I started a new obsession for ‘Alan Rickman’. I started a new little personal project concerning commercializing ‘Forums’. I’ve been modelling my dreams combining all above mentioned. Even my dreams are not structured at this point. It feels like throwing balls in choice directions and seeing where they’ll land without avoiding breaking windows. I might have broken a few, but the neighbours stayed inside. Maybe later there is hell to pay.

I have not been successful in structuring my thoughts, ideas and dreams, but I have been trying to live my life according.
I will approach everything in a positive way refusing to let anything make me unhappy. If I want to be happy I’m the one having to do the job or accepting the situation.
Every day I read forums and check their layout and readability. Ideas come up automatically and if I don’t forget I will write them down in my business proposal.
I am trying to structure my dreams, but like always I let them flow. Sometimes I’m close and I know what I’m longing for. Sometimes it’s completely ridiculous and going nowhere. Then again, dreaming about being in love with a man my mom’s age is a weird and awkward thing to do. I’m strung up nonetheless.

It all has to do with getting there. All three corner stones. Getting where I am comfortable for the next step, the next stage of fight. Like always. New ideals, new insights, adjusted opinion. There we go again.

Here’s the thing about Happiness:
Happiness is for a part a choice. I made a promise to myself to be happy, no matter what. There are always things in life worth experiencing, meeting, doing, living. Instead of dwell upon the bad things, I choose to seek the light; the things that make me feel good about me, about my surroundings and about the situations I’m finding myself in. It’s not time consuming, it’s only a fraction of a second to remind me. It’s my surviving mechanism; without I will dwell upon all that’s bad and I won’t move, I won’t leave my bed and I will die easy. It’s not worth it, it really isn’t. So I seek for the light and I move from light to light. Whenever it’s dark I will look forward and see what I can do to get there. If the money is not there, your loved ones are. If your loved ones are leaving you for heaven, your memories are there. If your memories are bad, there is always hope for a better life in the future. But you’re going to have to let it. If only you really want to, you can be happy no matter what and it won’t take you a second.

I can’t think of a better way to explain why I think it’s not true Happiness is a luxury. Though it does require a certain of understanding, or an epiphany.