“I solemnly swear that I am up to no good!”
I’ll describe one day at work today. Just to show you what I’m really up to at the moment, which is not really that much. I’ll go into thoughts and feelings, because these are very well connected at the moment, this period of my life. It’s not always a treat.
I rolled around in my bed with brief interludes of turning off the buzzer for 9 more minutes since 6.30 this morning. Only now (9.30am) I realize how 6.30am really is way too early. I got up at 7.00am because I got so cold and uncomfortable getting up and returning to bed. Not a pleasant feat.
I proceeded to do my morning ritual; toilet (I forgot I had a bucket with water ready for flushing. Damn!), washing hair, drying hair, cream lotioning hair, drying hair again. Fortunately my clothes were already laid out for wear I only had to find matching socks. Not a big challenge. I trust my hair is in the right form as it is. I left the house at 7.30am.
I arrived in the office to surprise of colleagues at 8.30am. I was a little annoyed by it, since I don’t hold a certain scheme. Arrival times vary from 8.00am to 10.30am. It really does make me wonder: “Am I as much as being seen?” I’d guess not.
I started off with cleaning up my mail since that was the planned activity according to my agenda, and it was about time concerning the many ‘Your mailbox is full’ messages. It brought my attention back to the evaluation form I have to fill out. To be honest I really don’t know what to fill in since my situation at work at the moment is a little weird and shaky. I think way too often these days: “I don’t want to be here”. Not a good thing.
I attempted to fill in the form, but I keep returning to the Alan Rickman articles and interviews on the AR-forum. I have to be careful not to laugh too loud and smile too hard; I have no desire to get caught. Though, my new interest made me realize that I’ve been thinking of directing a film a lot since a few years. I have no idea where that came from; it seems it suddenly became my dream. It scares me, because if there’s one area of expertise I know nothing of, it’s directing a film. I even have no clue whatever happens on a film set. So far, the weirdest dream I’ve ever had.
Toilet break at 9.50am. After taking a look in the mirror it’s confirmed my hair doesn’t look the way I imagined it. Oh, such fantasies.
Also the initial thought dancing in my head has flown. It seemed rather important, but apparently I was mistaken.
There was one interview in which the female interviewer listed a few character traits of AR. I figured it didn’t please me since it seemed correct; it rather pleased me, because it seems that is who I want him to be.
“His best movie? Sense and Sensibility, playing the romantic lead. He's 60 now and you worry that the movies looked this gift horse in the mouth somewhat. But I love him. We all love Alan Rickman – the Mongolian eyes, the literate face, the gun-dog smile, which he peels back to reveal teeth which actually glint. And quite honestly, I am so faint with desire picturing him now that I can hardly type this.
So imagine my reaction when, a couple of days after the talk, I received an apologetic message on my answering machine (he was filming Harry Potter and couldn't get away) from the cobra leopard gun-dog himself that began, ''Of course I remember you, silly…'”
Not so sure I was accurate there.
Some minutes have passed. I read some more articles, but let people around me distract me. We had a short conversation about groups of people and that tied up to sexuality and preferences in sex (male/female) in lovers and friends. The conversation was very unstructured and silly, I can’t even recall what the main conclusion was if there was one.
The AR-interviews and articles should give me a better feel of who Alan Rickman is. So far I labelled him ‘Sweet man’, nothing else came to the mind yet. He seems smart, but not smarter than most people I choose to interest in or be around with. He is press smart; he knows how to play the press without losing himself or giving himself away. That’s only a trait of the profession which I think any public artist should have. Jason Mraz has it too; very press smart. Even though I do appreciate that, it’s not just that what I’m looking for to call someone smart. Introvert people can be very smart too, or people who are not always as press smart as you would like them to be; example John Mayer, hence the song My Stupid Mouth. Actually, I always thought John Mayer to be smarter than Jason Mraz. So....
Back to Alan Rickman.
What I tend to do when something said by someone about one of my favourite artists excites me is burst into flames, spitting out irritation, lock my computer and go to the toilet, even when I really don’t need to go.
“I only played that bad-guy role two times,” insists the actor, who won a BAFTA for Robin Hood, “but they keep coming back at me.” The first time, of course, was when he appeared as Hans Gruber, the leader of the armed terrorist gang who hijack Bruce Willis’s Christmas in the original Die Hard, finally being thrown out of the window but getting his foot firmly in the Hollywood door in the process. Then there was the Sheriff. And Rasputin in the TV miniseries. Come to think of it, he wasn’t exactly Mr Nice Guy in Love Actually, once more spoiling Christmas, this time for lovely Emma Thompson. And what about that Severus Snape..?
I did my routine and I just returned to type down my calmed down reaction: Hans Gruber is now what, 22 years ago? The Sherriff is now 19 years ago. Rasputin was not a bad guy persé; the experts are not quite done with that subject. Harry (that was his name, right?) from Love Actually was not really a bad guy; he was an average guy making a ‘classic’ mistake. And Severus Snape is not really a bad guy either, but that would be a spoiler so I take that back.
I did say on the AR-forum (for the sake of telling it all apart) I thought AR is smart, but I didn’t find any evidence yet to the fact he is as smart as a lot of people seemingly want me to believe. Or maybe I interpreted it wrong. All doubts, if they exist, aside, it’s true I really don’t want to become the subject of Mr. Rickman’s hunt. Eeeek! Though on the other hand, I would fight bravely (or is that stupidly? I suppose it could go either way).
Is it weird that when someone says ‘Jamie from TMD’ or ‘Colonel Brandon from S&S’ that I get a funny feeling in my tummy and that I make the appropriate sounds of a teenager with a crush?
So I finally did some work (it annoyed me, but nevertheless). I had some talks with the ICT maintenance boys, very nice. I just found out a year’s work had been in vain. Nice! So I think I will retreat to read some more AR-interviews/articles.
Now, shall I fill the last remaining 15 minutes to 6pm?
Another thought that crossed my mind a few times now. I watched quite a few AR-interviews and press conferences on YouTube. Ask him about the villain roles and you’ll get a face of frustration(?)/irritation(?) and a well mannered negative reply that he doesn’t play villains, but very interesting people and that he doesn’t judge his characters that way.
Now the thought: I increasingly believing he needs to get over himself and stop defending it. There’s nothing to defend; he did a great job at playing villains. People’s minds are just that small and it never was his fault and he’s not going to change perceptions on it. So, please just say ‘Thank you’ and move on, try to redirect their attention to other roles, newer projects, etc.
I watched Snow Cake again. I love that film for sentimental reasons, obviously. Whatever I feel, think and experience when I watch that film I can't really describe, because it's so personal. It means a big deal to me.
Lately, since a few days, I've been enjoying blowing (soap) bubbles. I can blow many average bubbles or one huge bubble. :D
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