2006

A lot happened in 2006. In that year my JM/JM fandom was reaching its peak. I started on my new job. I met my ex. I finished studying and I nearly moved out of my mum's house. Not at all in that order though. Also Brokeback Mountain, the film, happened at the end of that year and I started smoking again after one year being sober.

I think I got a bit stuck there. I check in with myself on a regular basis, just to see how I'm doing, career wise and personally. I always have. Lately, I found my mind got somewhat stuck in 2006. This means that I still believe both JM's are only 28 years of age (incidental miscalculation), Brokeback Mountain has only just been released and the Oscar loss hasn't happened yet, which also means, Jake is still 24 years of age, as am I. Also "24" with Kiefer Sutherland is still on TV in its second season and Tristan Prettyman is 23 years old. It's been only yesterday Jason Mraz played Lestat's on a regular basis, or Schubas for that matter and Denise and I spent walking through Cheltenham one week in summer listening to Jason Mraz. Me various songs, Denise an Elton John cover; "Rocket Man".

None of that is true. Well, it was once. Thing is, looking back, I don't know where the years went. It's one thing celebrating your quarter life crisis, it's another getting stuck in it.

All those years before and after happened right up till now. I remember some of them well, others not so well. It took ages growing up, in my experience. Now time seems to slip away and yet, I'm not quite old yet. I just got started and I know when: Back in 2006.

This is all garbage and a distraction from moving on which I should really be doing. I am moving on, but nothing seems to matter as much as 2006. Nothing significant that affects my life is happening. It can't be that I'm already getting stuck in a rythm, or a job, or my life. Somehow my standard of living got stuck on survive.

Jewel also happened in 2006 to me, though she was around much longer before that.

All the friends from "Friends" are no longer 20-somethings and I'm not a teenager watching them, or a 20-something myself rewatching them. Not too long ago I realized they now all are 40-somethings and I'm no longer myself a 20-something.

Unlike some, I never dreaded the big 30. What I don't like is the fact that I'm now slowly, but surely moving towards the big 40. Definately an age where behaving like a child is frowned upon. I'm not quite sure I'm ready to be a grownup, even though I'm doing all the grownup things. To be honest, I'm not even sure what a grownup is. I'm now finding out that a lot of grownups are childish in some way or another.

It's funny how you can't wait to be grownup when you're a child and then when you are one, you want nothing more than being a child again. Or is that just me?

Winter Blues and/or Quarter Life Crisis

Since a few years I’ve een suffering from winter blues, or rather it’s a lack of light. It always starts somewhere around October. I start to feel down and somewhat depressed. I don’t want to do anything. I have trouble getting up and my overall mood decreases. Not a fun period at all. Luckily I live in a country were the seasons tend to be quite present, so after winter, so far, spring always followed and eventually summer.

As soon the first “warmer” sun rays hit the surface and it’s still light outside when I get home from work my energy levels peak. I suddenly want to do things. I suddenly have loads of energy and ideas. I suddenly start new side projects and take part in contests and I shall win (I’m very competetive in spring).

This year my collegue, with whom I share most of my workload, decided to take a month long holiday to Australia. This means I have to do it all myself, his tasks on top of my own. I was supposed to learn how to do intakes anyway, so it’s only favourable. After he returns I’ll be completely up to speed and then I’ll go on holiday.

Not at all that interesting, I just thought I’d let you know. My latest adventure has been my double workload, yes, and figuring out what my company offers in online learning. Sounds simple, believe me, in my company, incredibly complicated. As always, loads of people had the sublime idea to start an online environment for people to do e-learning. The task I took upon me is to unravel what’s there and then add to it. Hah!

Challenge this time: Finish the freakin’ project!!!

Here’s a little piece I wrote yesterday in bed:

Life seemed to have really started. My quarter life crisis or my last chance of youth has now really evaporated. We're all slowly coming to terms with life.

In 2000 we started to walk, we tried to run. Everything and all was 24, maybe 23. We went faster than the wind, faster than we ever dared to dream and then we fell flat on our face. We are now getting back up, straightening our backs, broken bones and blue spots representing or failures, mistakes, lessons learned and some life experience.

We are ready now, to take over the weight.

Dedicated to my own generation; to my "heroes", or fellow sufferers.