What About Naomi?

Source: Is she a man?

*camera pans in on silent boy*

Dramatic narrative: "the Boy is silent!" (What is he doing? ... You know who!)

*cue sting*

"...but....What about Naomi?"




Yeah, what about Naomi? Is she tall? Is she fat?

Is she steering the good ship Gyllenhaal to calmer waters? Is she trying really hard to hide her family from public in public? Is she babysitting her granddaughters? Is she climbing trees to retrieve balloons and shoes? Is she eating icecream in a bleedin' blizzard? Is she stabbing holes in an empty shoebox. For the answers for these and other questions....

I tell you what about Naomi: She's Maggie and Jake Gyllenhaal's mummy. She's the driving force behind the image of the Gyllenhaals, these days sans Stephen, the dad.
Naomi does things too. She's a screenwriter and director, so she screenwrites and directs.

Does she have wavy hair?

 But what about Naomi? Is she nice? Is she manipulative? Or does she just care about her family?

Is she strict or just a perfectionist? Is she defensive or just loving? Is she scary or just not very good at social contacts? Or does she just not care how we think about her family? Who knows?

And what is her name? Is het Gyllenhaal? Is it Foner? Or is it back to Achs?

Is she on MySpace (No, she's not!?) or maybe on Facebook (Nope!) or Twitter (Nope!)? Is she computer illiterate or just too busy to post on forums like us simple plebs?

Does she still tell her children what to say in public or doesn't she need to anymore? Does she still eye Stephen fearing he might say something stupidly private?

Do you think she tries hard to be mysterious or is it just a talent? What about living up to all the fairytales? She seems to be trying so hard. Watch Maggie saying something and cue narrative (papparazzi obviously) aaaand cue sting: "What about Naomi?" Watch Jake cross a street and cue narrative (more paps) aaaaaaaand cue Sting: "What about Naomi!?" Watch some woman flirt with Stephen and cue narrative (of course the paps get this massively wrong) aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand cue STING: "WHAT about Naomi!?!?" Watch Jake getting upset and cue paps (narritive gets wildly exciting..see what I did there?) aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand CUE STING: "WHAT ABOUT NAOMI!?!?!??!?!?"

For the answers for these and other questions....refer to your regular paper, glossy, internet page or other celebrity roasting vehicle.

Does she always sit with her shoes on seats?

So please sing along:

What about Naomi? What about Naomi? We shall never know.

Inspiration: Wiki "Love of Chair"