Speaking My Mind

My mother has beaten good manners into me when I was a child. A great deal of these rules were communication based. I’m glad to tell you I’ve forgotten most of these lessons and can now delight in pissing people off.

It’s not really I’ve forgotten about those lessons, it’s just that I can’t be bothered. The self-righteousness of those people, those communication experts, those people who do social for the joy of it, they seem to get off on telling me how it looks to other people and how awkward I am communically (communicational and comically combined). As if I don’t know. I had my fair share of communication breakdowns. I’m perfectly aware of my short comings in communication. And now they seem to have infiltrated in my system, I’d like to tell them I can see what they’re doing and I know how I am contributing to it, but that won’t stop me from making a total and complete ass of myself.

The thing is I think I know better than a lot of people about communication and how to do it properly. I do, because I paid attention when I walked into these walls and I pay attention when I do. I’m fully aware of the effect it might have on them, on me, on anyone. It’s not my lack of knowledge about communication that makes me stumble; it’s my disinterest in communicating.

I never liked it for exactly the reason communication goes wrong so often. No matter how well you communicate, people will always have a different interpretation than you have of the matter. That’s not a criticism; it’s just a simple fact. I hate communication, because I’m always entirely sure that what I meant to say will be interpreted differently. I know the differences are often so slight it won’t harm the case, but to me it just almost feels like a waste of energy to try and be as exact as possible.

Yet, I can’t seem to stop being as exact as possible in word. As in non-verbal communication, then my dismay with the whole concept shines through.

And they, them, seem to think I don’t know and keep telling me the things I heard a million times, the things I already know. Knowing doesn’t equal action; those are two different things. There are barriers, problems and objections in place that will keep me from putting the knowing into action. My communication faults have more to do with other problems than me not knowing how to. What you people, communicating people, have to understand is that many a soul has tried to teach me about communicating, I did learn a few things over the years it’s true, but they fail to see the real problem; my lack in confidence of humankind.