J&M and the Vending Machine
A load of bullcrap is going on in my life. In the meantime I keep up the diligent daydreaming and obsessive fandomming. I had a crap day yesterday. People sick, workload I can’t reduce and a mind that’s confused and tired. Yesterday I could cry. I didn’t. Instead I dumped it all over people I work or don’t work with, but who happen to work on the same floor as I do. I spent the whole afternoon talking. I haven’t done anything constructive since yesterday morning. I feel a bit useless, inactive and not very efficient. I don’t know how these words go together, but they do.
Today I checked my twitter account, which I also started doing quite diligently since I started following Charlie. The happiness came from Robert Webb though. He only retweeted a picture one of the writers of Peep Show tweeted. It was a picture of the new season of Peep Show of Jez and Mark standing in front of a vending machine. I don’t know why, but it made me incredibly happy. I love those sorry bastards and they nearly made me cry. That’s the paradoxal world of Peep Show. That’s the paradoxal world of me. No wonder I feel so at home with them.
DM Fandom Unconscious Acceptance
Tonight, or actually this morning, I remembered my first DM dream. Not that it is such a big deal, but it always seems to be a very significant point for a new fan; it launches you into the deep depths of fandom of the particular person and generates sympathy, or agony, with your fellow fans. I think it’s fairly innocent; it’s workings of the brain you don’t control. Apparently, something about it keeps your brain occupied and you need to work that out. Mine was really just wistful thinking.
I dreamt I had to go to work so I left for the metro station like I do every morning of every weekday. When I arrived at the station I noticed something unusual and weird was going on; the metro station was rebuilt into a swimming paradise for a day. It was some kind of event with big publicity. The weirdest thing about it was it had presenters presenting something; one of the presenters was David Mitchell. I have no clue what the hell he had to say, because I wandered around the station trying to find my way wondering if I should go back to the main area to see his part. In the end I was too late. Neither did I go to work, instead I decided to go back home, because it seemed impossible to get into a metro. Also, the possibility to meet David was too tempting.
When I was leaving the station people were already cleaning up the whole swimming pool and waterfall area which caused me some trouble getting back down and out of the station. I managed in a flurry of dizziness and met up with some people who were involved in the whole organization and I found out David was about to leave and he should join us to leave to wherever. He did, I saw him, even managed to get to walk right beside him. He seemed nice, a bit quiet and timid, distant even for all the right reasons. I understood and only tried to make some funny comments which only made him smile politely. Even I recognized I failed miserably. We really didn’t talk, and I think, if that was real, by the time he would drive away in a bus to the airport, he had already forgotten about me. Then I woke up.
The weird thing about that dream is, it almost could have been true. Not the swimming paradise bit, but mainly his reaction to me. To him I’m just another stranger/fan who tries to connect. I didn’t even try that hard to connect and neither did he, and why should he? What I remember to my shame is me checking out how fat/thin he was. Strangely, he was something in between fat and thin, but not really either. That was too confusing so I decided not to look too much at him anymore. Just talk a little and sense his presence next to mine. I couldn’t believe my luck I managed to leave at the same time as he did. I hate how I couldn’t think of anything funny to say and said something incredibly lame instead; I don’t remember what I said, it were only fleeting comments. I realized quickly he was not really into starting a conversation with me so I let it go. I was just happy to have met him.
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