Storytellers

My life has always been supported by my rich fantasy. When I was a little kid I had a fantasy friend called ‘Anders’ (‘Different’ in English). Since it’s been such a long time, I’m not sure why I called him Anders, maybe because he was different from the kids in my real life with whom I couldn’t get along very well. I think, though, the name sounded nice and beautiful to me when I named him.
I recall vaguely his (fantasized) presence, but not the things we did together, or the stories I made up to be his history. I do recall my mom being worried about it, and the doctor saying it was pretty normal for a girl my age. Both my mom and the doctor were convinced I would grow over it; I never did.

The memories of my childhood are pretty foggy. I remember mainly my moods or the way I felt in a certain situation. I do not recall all the characters I made up in my youth, but there are many. After Anders I didn’t constrain myself to only one character, but I started to make up complete communities. Some I was, some I wanted to be, and others were just cool friends or passerby’s. The only thing they got in common is the reason of their birth; my dreams for other situations than the one I was living in.

When I got into my teens, the birth of some of my characters changed. Their becoming, not the reason. The characters I made up from that point on where often based on existing persons, like the members of Take That or my first teenage crush. The stories I made up became more lively and exciting. But I was still wishing for and dreaming about. I still pictured the girl I wanted to be, not the girl I was.

Another remarkable trait was that all of my characters always were a little older than I was. I remember my main character being 16 while I was 13. She was one of the faces on a girl’s magazine and she looked like my cousin who must have been 16 at the time.
I remember a variety of characters passing by when I was 18 to 20 while all the characters were female and somewhere along the line of the age of 25.

I also started to make up (boy)friends who were, usually, all born in 1978. The one who stuck was Roy. I loved Roy very much. So much, that any guy called Roy was preferred over any other guy. Unfortunately, I had to cut Roy off, and he died in June 2006 of cancer. Roy had a boyfriend Noah (oh yeah, a lot of the guys are gay or at least bisexual). Noah is now one of my best friend and a steady force. He calms me when I’m feeling down, frustrated or plain mad. Another friend I made up is Maximilian. He’s such a sweety and a great friend. I love him to death. Max is a little younger than Noah; he was born in 1979 while Noah is born in the usual year of 1978.

Even today I’m still fantasizing, and still I’m fantasizing of what I want. This results in Noah and Max being my twin boys. Sometimes I picked the names, because I love the names, and sometimes I named them after my dear friends.

And sometimes you get inspired and they amaze and touch you in a way you never expected. Maybe it’s because I want them to, and maybe because they are really that damn talented. Or maybe they experienced and described situations and feelings I experienced; the things that speak to me. They end up in my fantasies as well. They become my friends, but we’re not best friends, cause I’m aware of the distance between us; be it a physical distance or psychological distance. It’s a different kind of friendship, one not quite existing.

I’m well aware they are my fantasy and stand apart from the public persons John Mayer and Jason Mraz who are celebrated in real life. I am aware the things I make them crave for or act like are possibly the opposite of the things they really crave for or act like. It’s my take on their reality; it’s my reality fantasy.
And then they say or do something which complements my story about them even better than I could ever make it up. It blows me away time after time. Many a time it lightened my mood, and sometimes I even wept. It always was mind blowing. Weird.

Whatever it is, or whatever brings my fantasized world together with their worlds of music, I love it and I will keep on fantasizing.